


Cosmonaut

by someonesbunny



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming of Age, Drama & Romance, F/M, Goodbyes, Growing Up, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 12:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12108510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonesbunny/pseuds/someonesbunny
Summary: A short story between two people struggling to find meaning in a dying world where nothing was ever meant to last.





	1. The Distance Between Worlds

_... because every story begins with the end of another._

_I guess after writing all of this, I realize that I never really did much of anything. I suppose if there is anything I regret, it's that. Then again, it's not like I could do anything about it – I really wasn't good at much. Although, I suppose if there is something I did well it was dreaming. I dreamt big dreams. I was never smart enough, or strong enough, or skilled enough to do anything the way everyone wanted me to, so I guess my dream of being a cosmonaut was a bit much, but I traveled the stars in my own way. I was never sure about how to show you, but this is enough, I think. I always wondered if you thought I was as great as I figured I could be. I hope you did, even just a bit._

_You loved me once, too. More than him, I'm sure of it. I think about it all the time, though you probably don't remember ever feeling the way I do. Then again, you probably don't remember because it never really turned out that way._

_Even so, it felt real to me._

_I'm not making any sense..._

_What I mean to say is that I dream about you too. You and me. All the time._

_I still do._

\- END of MESSAGE -  
________________________________________  
**COSMONAUT**

**Year 2112**  
**Spring**

The television buzzed:

_"... and the Mars Terraforming Project continues at a rapid pace. The first agricultural labourers are expected to depart for the Red Planet in not much more than 3 months."_

Outside, a rusty, old pickup truck rolled into the muddy driveway of a small country home in the middle of fields of barley. The sun was barely up, but its light was peeking through the horizon, giving the barley a sort of artificial incandescence.

A young girl stepped out and huffed. No one was waiting on the porch.

"Idiot, let's go!" She called out.

"Just a second... come look at the news. Come quick!"

The girl furrowed her eyebrows and grumbles to herself. This was the regular morning routine. She made her way into the front door and turned to the hunched figure in front of the television.

"What did I just say?"

"Wait Sakura, I just wanna see this next part! Just a few minutes, please!"

_"Experts have concluded that at the pace we are going, we will have completed the project in less than 4 years, beating the estimated time of the complete depletion of the ozone layer by a whole 14 years! This leaves us with ample time to transport the entire human population to our new home in space!"_

"Goddammit, Naruto! You said that yesterday and we were late! We'll be late again today if you don't hurry up! Besides, we still have to pick up Sasuke, and his house is across town, so let's go!"

"Oh my god, relax, Sakura, please, it's just school. Besides, in 14 years it won't even exist anymore..."

"If you knew how to count, you'd have realized that it would actually be about 18 years, but regardless of whether its 18 or 14, we'll have graduated before then! Life will continue, whether its here or on Mars of wherever!" She said between gritted teeth.

"Okay, okay fine," Naruto snorted, "Uncle, we're leaving!

He looked at her and raised his eyebrow, "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go already or we'll be late."

_"The estimated completion time of the so-called "ARK Shuttles" being built all over the world is approximately 6 years – Just enough time for Mars colony to give the new residential areas their finishing touches. Truly a triumph in..._

Naruto turned off the television, picked up his jacket, and opened the front door. He held it open with his foot as Sakura reached into her bag for the car keys. Naruto followed her as she made her way to the old pickup truck.

"Always stressing me out, every morning..." Sakura muttered under her breath as she stepped next to the truck on the driver's side, "You guys are lucky to still have me picking you up every day, despite the fact that you guys are such a pain in my ass..."

"Oh please," Naruto said in a sing-song voice as he shoved his bag into the cab, "I'm the brightest part of your morning and the sexiest part of your week, and besides..."

"Please shut up."

"... your world just won't be the same without me."  
________________________________________

**Chapter One**  
_The Distance between Worlds_

"You dumbass, now I'm gonna miss my show!" Sakura yelled into Naruto's ear.

He visibly recoiled.

"I said I was sorry, dammit!"

"One hour in detention! One hour I won't be getting back! Stupid Naruto! It's because of you we were late again!"

"I said...!"

Behind them, Sasuke laughs. He runs his finger through his black hair as the wind blows past. Sakura moves from a fast walk to a trot as she rushes into the school parking lot still muttering curses under her breath. The boys stop at the entrance to wait for her. Naruto scratches his head. He feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Want one?" Sasuke asked, pushing a pack of cigarettes in front of Naruto.

"Sure," Naruto replied as he puts one between his lips and lit it. He took a deep puff and looked at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye.

"Sasuke, you should teach your girlfriend how to calm down, she'll have a heart attack by the time she's 20 at the rate she's going."

"Yeah, that is, if she's lucky," Sasuke chuckled, "You should see her when she's the one that makes a mistake. 18 and a half, tops."

The boys both laughed in agreement.

Naruto looked out toward the horizon at a sky seemingly set ablaze by the waning sun. It reminded him of oil pastels on canvas. A mix of orange hues, smudged together by delicate finger tips. He's not sure whether it is a distant memory of his mother, or just a hazy dream he had on a lazy summer morning. The more he wonders, the more it occurs to him that he no longer remembers his dreams.

"You should take her to the fair next week," Naruto mumbled.

Sasuke looked at Naruto. His eyes widened with surprise, which he suppressed immediately. He shuffled his feet in the dirt slightly as he fumbled with his words.

"What...? You mean Sakura?" he glanced at Naruto who did not respond, "I, uh, yeah, I guess I should."

"When I know she's killing herself over something, I try to bring snacks and movies to her house, just to take the edge off, you know? I worry about her sometimes..."

Sasuke bit his lip and looks at Naruto again. Naruto simply stood there, watching the sky, stone faced and stoic. Naruto absentmindedly fixes his shirt and turns his attention towards Sakura as he hears the the low rumble of the old pickup truck starting its engine.

"All the time, Naruto. You're always worrying about her," Sasuke remarked. He looked at Naruto for a reaction, but there is none. Naruto was preoccupied in watching Sakura back the truck out of the school parking lot. Sasuke cautiously placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Naruto... Are you alright? Are we cool?"

Naruto turned his head. Sasuke's brows are furrowed, head tilted in concern.

"What do you mean? Of course we are," he shrugged.

Sasuke frowned and looked at his friend. He took a deep breath as he recalled memories of an old rivalry and as he felt the familiar rumblings of the bitterness between them, he felt very old.

"No, I mean... are we really? I know how you feel about her. You've always..." his tongue tieed and he swallowed hard, "... and I-"

"I know. It's fine, "Naruto interrupted, shaking his head, "I know how she feels about you... So it's fine. It's not like you and I aren't friends now, right? I just want to be sure that she's gonna be alright, that's all."

Naruto chuckled softly to himself and paused for a moment.

"You worry too much about me," he finally said.

"You always do this..." Sasuke said, sighing, "... and just when I finally found the balls to apologize to you."

"Don't bother with that," Naruto grinned, "Who says I'll forgive you anyway?"  
________________________________________

Naruto sat in the cab of the truck while Sakura drove. He lazily looked back using the side mirror at the slowly retreating silhouette of Sasuke's home, the minute shadow of Sasuke's slender form, and the dust that the truck kicked up as she drove.

Naruto sat up, stuck his head out of the window and peered up at the sky. It was darker now. The sun was still peeking out from the distance, but on the other side of the sky, the stars were becoming visible. He sat back down.

"Hey, Sakura...?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it."

Naruto hummed to himself, seeming very pleased. Sakura heard it and tried hard to suppress a smile.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"No."

"But you already missed your show..."

"Don't remind me."

Naruto scratched the back of his head.

"Can we at least take the long way home?" he pleaded with her.

Sakura turns to look at him from the corner of her eye. He's looking right at her, leaning in.

"Begging? Like a dog? Seriously?"

He did not move. She sighed.

"... fine."

"Thanks," he says as he smirked to himself.

She made a left turn into a low country road. It was not completely paved and the tires kicked up mud as the truck puttered along. The two looked out the windows at the endless expanse of fields bathed in the dimming light from the skies. As the wind blew, the tall grass danced gently, swaying from side to side.  
A little over a half hour passed in silence between them.

Suddenly, smoke began to rise from under the hood of the truck. Sakura's eyes shone with panic. She gasped as she tried to take control of the truck, but to no avail. The truck began to buck violently, then slowed to a stop. The creaking of the wheels were audible despite the hiccuping engine and a distinct scraping noise could be heard from underneath.

The truck came to a complete stop. The two looked at each other.

"What the fuck just happened?" Naruto asked.

"I think it's dead..."  
Naruto stepped out of the truck slowly and made his way to the front. He opened up the hood and the truck immediately belched out smoke. He turned his face away and began to cough. He closed the hood and looked at Sakura who stood next to the driver's side door, waiting nervously for an answer.

"Well...? What is it?" Sakura asked.

"I looked, but I still have no idea..."

Sakura closed her eyes in frustration. She took a deep breath to compose herself and stood silently for a moment. After a short while, she took out the phone from her bag and dialled a number. She pressed the phone against her ear. Naruto walked up, then watched and listened beside her.

"Hi. Yes... I don't know... We're off Concession, out in the country road... How long? ... right, okay. Thank you."

Sakura hung up the phone and put it back in her bag.

"Who was that?" Naruto asked.

"Tow truck."

"Great. How long?"

"Don't know," Sakura sighed.

"Then let's wait."

"Not like we have a choice."

Naruto walked towards the truck and hopped onto the flatbed. He paces around for a moment, then, seeming content with his surroundings, he looks at Sakura and calls her over. She takes a deep breath before walking over, trying to control the stress. She looks up at Naruto who is reaching down to help her on top and grabs his hand. It seemed so easy for him to lift her up.

They both sat down beside each other.

"Great. What do we do now?" Sakura asked rhetorically.

Naruto snickered to himself. Sakura raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

"C'mon, Sakura, you're so serious!"

"My truck just died, Naruto..."

"Can you fix it?"

"Clearly, I can't."

"So why are you worried? You can't do anything about it, so just relax."

He smiled at her reassuringly.

"How about this. Let's play a game."

"Seriously, Naruto?"

"Well, the tow truck won't come any sooner, will it?"

"Fine, what game?"

"If I ask you something, you have to answer, then it's your turn to ask me," he said as he scratched the back of his head, "um, truth or... well, truth."

"That is so lame, Naruto."

"I don't see you coming up with anything."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine. Shoot."

"Do you love me?"

"Wrong question. Ask again," she said bluntly, without looking at him.

She heard him chuckle sheepishly beside her, "... I was just kidding."

"... Naruto, listen..."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" he asked instead, cutting her off.

She frowned then, a little upset that she was too afraid to answer, and a little disgusted at herself for feeling relieved to have the subject changed. They had so much history, and yet there was still so much taboo. She glances at him. His head is cocked to the side, small, docile smile adorning his face. She shook her head to clear herself of worry and smiled back.

"I want to be a doctor," she said, raising an eyebrow, "I thought you knew."

"I did. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

"Isn't it my turn?"

"Answer please."

"Fine, fine. I wanted to be a doctor to save people's lives."

"Lame! Tell the truth, poo head!"

"Are you, like, five?"

"Tell me the whole truth!"

"Fine! Okay, geez. I want to be a doctor to save people's lives and also because I figured what I'm really good at is studying, so I need a profession where most of my life will be in constant study and the pursuit of excellence. Happy?"

"What about the money?"

"I like the challenge."

"The power?"

"... over life and death."

"Damn, that's true."

Sakura laughed as she breathed in the cool country air. She felt better being with him. His boyish charm just had a way of putting her at ease.

"The truth is, I wanted to be a vet," she whispered wistfully, catching Naruto off guard.

"Why wanted? Why don't you?"

"Well, I mean, I feel like it's probably kind of a childish thing to want..."

"You don't mean that..."

"Besides, when I told my dad, he said _'There's no future in that, Sakura,'_ " She said as she mimicked the baritone voice of her father, "So, I went on my way to being a doctor and never looked back."

"Seriously? I think it would've been fine..."

"And besides, I don't wanna be stuck out here in the boonies..."

"Oh come on."

"Okay, you overstayed on your turn, you cheater head!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Oh look who the five year old is now, huh," Naruto laughed, "Okay, message received. Ask away."

"Hm," she pressed a finger on her lips, "How about... what do you think about before bed?"

Naruto laughed hard at the question, enough that there were tears glistening from the corners of his eyes.

"Ugh," Sakura rolled her eyes at him again, "Nothing perverted, dummy!"

Naruto's laughter died down as he thought about her question. He looked at her with a smile, and for some reason, she couldn't help but look away.

He sat next to her and mumbled, "Have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"What?"

He cleared his throat, "I said, have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"Hm?" Sakura looked at him, puzzled, "Well, they're giant balls of burning gases..."

"No, I mean what they really are."

"That's what they are, dummy," she says with a chuckle.

He smiled at her, "That's not what I mean."

"Well, explain then. What do you think stars are, Mr. Scientist."

"Don't make fun," he laughed, "Okay, um, how to begin..."

"The class is getting bored, Professor," she giggled.

He blushes a little, laughing sheepishly as he did, "Okay, okay. Stars are the centers of worlds that are so far away from us that they probably don't really know we're here. Or care, for that matter."

"... meaning?"

"Meaning, they're so far away that they don't care about the problems we have here. They don't care that the world is ending. They don't care about the bills we have to pay. They don't care about the little bit that everyone has to suffer everyday, the little things that we do for each other. They're in places so far away that they can't even comprehend how little we've experienced of the universe, and they'll never understand what it is that makes us want so much to feel special in this giant, black nothing," he grunts, seemingly exasperated, "I'm not making sense..."

Sakura leans closer to him, "You're so sentimental, you know that?"

He pouted a little at her words, partly because he doesn't understand what she means, and partly because he feels a little exposed.

"No," she corrected herself, "Not sentimental. You're thoughtful."

He smiled, looking away, feeling embarrassed at her gaze.

"So, do you want to see those places? Do you want to be so far away that you don't have to care?"

"That's not what I mean. I just always wanted to see those places. To know what it feels like to be completely alone. It's so empty. The universe has so much to see, but there's so much nothing in between. I just wanted to find a place..." he shook his head and did not finish the thought, "I just wanted to be a cosmonaut."

"You're so cute."

"Don't make fun. I'm serious."

"I'm not. I promise," she smiled thoughtfully, "Why? Why space?"

He opened his palms to the sky and moved his hands slowly, as if conjuring something into the world. He gazed upon the sky as if searching the faces of every distant star for an answer.

"I always dreamt of being able to go to places other people couldn't; other places that people were too afraid to go. I wanted to explore worlds that people here had no idea about. In the old stories, it was the jungle, or the frontier, or the ocean, trying to find the edge of the world, but the thing is, everything is so much bigger now. Forget the edge of the world, now its the edges of the universe, then who knows what comes after that..."

Sakura laughed at his boyish excitement, "So I take it this whole Mars colony stuff is like a dream come true, huh?"

He pressed his lips together tight, his eyes noticeably dull as he sighs. Sakura leaned in and faced him, trying to decipher his expression.

"... Naruto?"

"No. Definitely not," he answered quietly.

"Why?" She whispered back.

He leaned back to look at the sky.

"Being a cosmonaut was about being someone who didn't just want to explore the universe. There's more to it than that. It comes with the territory, yeah, but seriously, think about it. The things you must be able to understand being up there; seeing you were so tiny in the whole scheme of things and having front seats to the whole thing, you know? Damn, that would've been something," He laughs a little, then his smile fades slowly.

"I wanted to see the stars, sure, that's all good and great. That's why everyone wants to be one as a kid. They want to prove that they're the best, too. Maybe I wanted that just a little bit... but I think what I really wanted was to go out there and bring the stars home to everyone... does that make sense? I wanted to show people that my dreams weren't silly, or childish, or whatever... and that... there is so much more to life than just... well, this, you know?

Maybe its something even more than that, maybe I thought that I'm the only piece of the puzzle here that doesn't fit. But somewhere out there, I know I can find a place... and even if I don't find one..."

The glow in his eyes wane as he stared into the distance pensively, "... even if I couldn't, I was so sure that somewhere in that darkness I could make a place just for me."

Sakura tilted her head to the side slightly and brushed the hair from her eyes, "But, Naruto..."

"It just bothers me a bit, you know? Everyone is just gonna jump ship, get on one of those ARK Shuttles, and gun it all the way to Mars without even thinking about any of this. No one needs anything to show for it, they're just going because... well, just because. No one cares about anything except going about their lives from one thing to the next. What about doing things with purpose? What about being... you know, doing things right?"

He grunted audibly from the irritation. It was difficult for him to express why he was so frustrated, despite understanding the real and dire situation the world was in. Sakura watched his face as he spoke, feeling the heat and the fury of his passion, and the resentfulness that came with it as he felt the fires of his hopes turn quickly into dying embers.

"Naruto, listen, I..."

"I don't mean to say that people shouldn't leave. Mars colony is our saving grace, you know. People just want to live, I get that. It just feels like my dreams were taken from me, that's all. I'm not all that smart, or strong, or anything. My uncle Jiraiya's broke, my parents are gone, and this is not something I can really achieve, but still. I wanted to go the distance or goddammit, at least let me try! Let me be special for once. It's just that, fuck, of all the things that the world would take! That was all I wanted..."

"Naruto, stop, please. Just stop," her voice hitched, "I get... I get what you're saying. I do. But believe me, you've always had a place. That place is here with us. It is."

They looked at each other, Naruto looking at her with his brows furrowed and his lips drawn to a thin line. She waited for him to say something, but for some reason, he said nothing.

She lowered her voice and whispered to him as she leaned her head against his shoulder, "Even if I say that, you're so stubborn. If even then you still can't stay with us, then I know you can still do it. You know, there's still a whole universe out there. There's a way for you, I know it."

He smiled plaintively and looked down at her. Her eyes were glistening and her cheeks were flushed. He parted his lips slowly as if to say something, but instead chuckled quietly and as he turned away.

He closed his eyes as he spoke, "Thanks. Really. What you said means a lot, but I just... I can't. I don't feel right here and no matter what I do it'll always feel that way for me..."

"And no, there's no way for me. It's over," he said as he pressed his lips against her hair, "I won't find my place, I won't see the stars, I won't drift off into that big, deep nothing. Not in this lifetime. We've gone as far as we can go for now, and no matter what I do, the universe won't be waiting for me."

Sakura leaned closer to him and held his hand. She pulled away from him and looked at him in the glow of twilight. She had never noticed it before, but for the first time she saw with perfect clarity who he really was. She never believed him to be handsome, but in this very moment, as the last light of the sunset deepened the shadows on his face, he was. It was as if the man he was always waiting to be was just peeking out from below the surface. But she never expected to see so much tragedy in those eyes that captured the sun.  
________________________________________

Sakura woke up on the back of the truck, wrapped in Naruto's arms. Dawn was breaking on the horizon. The tow truck had not yet arrived, and Naruto was still snoring softly. She softly wrestled herself free of Naruto's grasp and stretched next to his sleeping body. She peered down at him as he slept, face seemingly drawn in soft, gentle lines. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

"If you can't find a place for yourself, then I'll find a place for you."

She leaned in and planted another kiss on his brow.

"And by the way, you're right. My world wouldn't be the same without you..."


	2. To Build a Home

**Year 2113**  
**Summer**

Naruto walked out onto his porch in his boxers. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon as he scanned through the mailbox and picked out the letters. His eyes were still barely open. He held a piece of toast between his lips, chewing lazily as he walked onto the walkway and picked up a bundled newspaper.

He tucked the envelopes in the garter of his boxers and eyed the newspaper in his hand. He unrolled it, shook the dust off and glanced at the front page. The picture caught his attention – a burning truck and a few dead bodies strewn unceremoniously around it. He read the caption: "Riots in the Bolivian Confederacy: Riots broke out in the South American metropolis as governments around the world announced the disturbing findings that the ozone deterioration of the Earth has accelerated and the doomsday event is now set to happen in autumn next year..."

Naruto's eyes widened.

"... Exacerbating the disastrous news was the follow-up announcement that only a selected portion of the population will be allowed into the ARK shuttles due to time constraints on the building project. Only a small percentage of the shuttles have been completed."

He gulped down the last of his toast and rolled up the paper again. He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

As he walked back into his house, he hears the baritone pitched humming of his uncle Jiraiya cooking in the kitchen and threw the newspaper onto the couch. He walked slowly towards the kitchen, as if weighted down by some terrible burden.

"Morning," he said quietly.

"Hey kid, how many pancakes?"

"They said the world's ending."

"I know."

"Next year, uncle."

Jiraiya's stopped mixing the pancake batter and raised his head for a moment. He did not turn around to face his nephew standing behind him and soon turned back to what he was doing and continued to mix.

Jiraiya takes a deep breath, "We'll be okay in the end."

Naruto takes the envelopes from his boxer garter and puts it on the breakfast table and wordlessly sits down. He notices one envelope addressed to him.

He takes the table knife in front of him and cuts the paper and pulls out the letter inside. It read:

_From Northern University_

_To Mr. Naruto Uzumaki_

_Unfortunately, your examination scores..._

And that was as far as he read before crumpling it up. He stood up and shoved the papers in the trash.

"What was that?"

"Just some junk."

"Junk mail? Don't these people know that the world is ending?"

"Not everyone knows what that really means."  
________________________________________

**Chapter Two**  
_To Build a Home_

"Goddammit, kid, turn down the volume!"

_"... So we decided to ask Professor Shallaby from the University of the United North African States what he thought._

"Or maybe you should turn it off! You've been in front of that thing for hours!"

_"Obviously, the proliferation of nuclear weapons was the beginning of this whole debacle, and despite the fact that the mass stockpiling of WMDs happened, oh, let's say a little over a century before the Third World War, it was much like what the world thought it would be like if the Cold War of the mid-1900s were to culminate into a full blown war between the then "United States" and the then "Soviet Union"."_

"Naruto! Please turn down the volume!"

_"... so around the mid-2000s, many minor nations already held the keys to mass destruction. After the economic collapse of the great superpowers of both the West and the East, it took one push of a button to start the last great war this Earth would ever see."_

"... Um, hello? Naruto?"

_"Naturally, we wish for all things to be the same when we leave, our educational systems, our economic systems intact even when we finally reach our new destination, so we ship everyone of "value" that can help these things perpetuate themselves even if the very commodities that held these things together will be all but dust at the end of it. Our academics and our officials, and all of those other people who we believe to run the world will be depended upon, but nothing can truly prepare us for what will come to pass in the next year. We will pick and choose people who we believe will be able to help, but who is to say who will truly be of value? It is not our home the way we know it to be. It is not our planet..."_

Naruto looked out the window silently wondering the value of his own short life. He had experience in his short life, but he wondered about its worth.

_"Professor, do you think this war was avoidable? I mean, if we knew the stakes – that it would cause the calamity that would end existence on earth as we know it – do you think it would have changed our minds?"_

_"This was the very war that nearly destroyed humanity as we know it. We drove ourselves so close to extinction that there was a huge chance that we would have witnessed our own extinction first hand; none of us would have even seen the end of this world. We literally destroyed our own population – once billions, now just millions. Nevertheless, it was an inevitable war. We cannot change our nature..."_

The television turned off.

"Aw, what the hell?" Naruto mumbled to himself as he started flipping the television switch back and forth.

"I shut off the breaker, brat," Jiraiya chuckled to himself in the kitchen.

"What the hell, uncle! Turn it back on!"

"I told you to turn it down..."

"I didn't hear you!"

"Exactly," Jiraiya said as he walked out of the kitchen with two glasses of orange juice.

"... and besides," he hands his nephew a glass which Naruto snatches from him with a defeated grimace pasted on his face, "how are you supposed to impress that pretty girlfriend of yours if you're always glued to the T.V.?"

He noticeably tensed under his uncle's scrutiny.

"She's not my girlfriend," he manages to eke out.

"And why the hell should she be? If I were a woman, I wouldn't choose to be with a T.V. addicted guy that never pays any attention to me!"

"It's not like that between us, she's with Sasuke."

"So what? No one ever said that they're married, right?"

"Stop being a perv," Naruto says as he takes a drink.

"Nothing perverted about love, boy."

Naruto immediately choked on his drink and began coughing violently.

"Get bent, old man!"

"We don't really have time to waste anymore..."

He saw his nephew deflate at his words and sighs at his his own lack of discretion. He shrugged it off and smiled at him, but the boy was in a daze and did not seem to notice.

Jiraiya patted him on the shoulder and laughed, "Hey kid, you're gonna be late for her birthday thingie."

Naruto snaps himself out of his dazed state and glances at the wall clock. It was already 3 in the afternoon.

"Ah shit..."  
________________________________________

She's standing on the porch with her hands on her hips, staring him down. Naruto stands on the driveway looking at her as he scratched the back of his head, laughing sheepishly.

"How is it possible that you're late for everything you do in your life?"

"I didn't mean to be..."

"But you are."

"Sakura..." he chokes out.

"It's my birthday and you managed to be late. Again. For the fifth year in a row."

"Yes, but..."

"You missed the whole thing, everyone was there!"

"Wait, it's not like I wanted to be late..."

"But you are! It doesn't even count as late! It's practically as if you didn't even show up!"

"They left early..."

"I invited for late lunch."

"It's late afternoon."

"The sun is already almost setting, Naruto," she growls at him.

"But it hasn't set yet."

"Naruto..." she growled more ominously.

"And look, I got you these," he says as he reveals from behind him a bouquet of flowers, "You said you wanted one right?"

She sighs inwardly, "You didn't have to. I asked Sasuke for a bouquet, Naruto. What I wanted was for you to come for my birthday."

"And here I am," he looked up at her and placed the flowers at his side, "Besides, imagine how awkward it would have been if you got two bouquets at the same time at your party," he shuffled a little, "One from your boyfriend and another from... me."

"I wanted you to be here."

"I am here."

"Naruto..."

"Is mine better than his?"

She looks at him, surprised. She's not sure what he means to know when he asks the question.

"What? Naruto, what does it matter?"

"It matters. I know you better, so mine should suit you more."

She looked at him and saw his face. For the first time in a long time, she could not decipher his expression. She had never seen this one before. Hurt. She saw hurt. Maybe desperation. And maybe something more.

He was unable to look at her for much longer, and his expression seemed to imply that he was troubled. His brows were furrowed and his lips were drawn into a thin line. Sakura saw all the signs, but again could not read the man in front of her, whom she had known all her life, when he managed the simple gesture of forcing a smile. His eyes reflected something other than what he asked his lips to project.

She bit her lip and looked at him one more time. He cocked his head to the side. She took a few steps towards him and embraced him. His hands remained at his sides. She shook her head and smiled.

"I love them, Naruto, they're lovely," she held him a little tighter, "Thank you. Thank you for being here."

She pulled away from him and he lifted up the flowers and finally his eyes sparkled. She smiled and took them.

"Happy birthday," he said.

"Come on, Naruto, I saved some food for you."

They walked back into the house together.  
________________________________________

"It's because you're getting old. Look at all the wrinkles starting to form on your huge forehead..." Naruto said nonchalantly. He slowly inched his way behind Sakura's couch, looking left toward the door to the garden: his designated escape route.

"What did you say?" Sakura growled behind grit teeth.

"Heh heh," Naruto chuckled nervously, "Just kidding..."

She noticed him eyeing the door and instinctively boosted herself from the couch all the way to the garden entrance. Naruto took the opportunity to dive into action, straight out of Plan B: the front door.

"You asshole! That's cheating!"

"Says who, grandma?"

"Says house rules!" She shouted after him as she trotted out onto the porch. She looked for him and noticed a small tuft of hair peeking up from the rear corner of her truck.

Sakura slowly made her way around the truck. She peeked around the corner and noticed that Naruto had yet to notice that she had found his hiding spot. Stupid boy.  
Sakura pounced on his back and he shot up in surprise with her still clinging to him around his neck.

"Gotcha, stupid."

He laughed and held her by the crooks of her legs so that he was carrying her piggyback. He made his way next to the driver's seat.

"Good job, birthday girl," he said with a warm chuckle, "Now, let's go for a drive."

"Yes sir."  
________________________________________

Naruto and Sakura drove around aimlessly in the truck, along dusty stretches of country road. They decided to drive towards the wooded area, where the marshes were visible through the light between the trees, just to reminisce about the times they had played there as children.

"They said that people will be calculated on their worth, you know, like how much can you give towards the cause of preserving humanity," Naruto explained.

"Well, they're gonna have to do it that way if it's limited," Sakura said as she shifted gears.

"I guess... Hey, aren't you worried?"

"Not really," Sakura shrugged, "I'm young, aspiring to be a doctor. They're gonna need people like me."

"Ah, right."

"And besides, my father is on the shuttle engineering team so we'd have a special dispensation."

"What about Sasuke?"

"His father is ranking military. Of course he's not worried."

"I'm worried."

Sakura frowned at him. When he turned to look at her, she smiled reassuringly. He frowned in return and leaned his head on the headrest.

"Naruto," Sakura whispered to him, "You're young too, and they'll need all the young people they can get."

"An aspiring cosmonaut... they've already got all they need."

"Naruto..."

"Did you get your acceptance letter?" he interrupted.

"I did," Sakura smiled, "Passed with flying colours they said."

"That's great, imagine, one quarter of your University career on Earth, then the rest on Mars. Calling it Northern University when the thing finally restarts there would be a little stupid though, huh?"

He smiled at her and turned away.

"Hey, Naruto?" she beckoned with worry in her voice, "Are you alright?"

"I wasn't accepted."

They both sat quietly. Sakura gripped Naruto's shoulder with her free hand.

"They'll find a place for you. And if they don't, I'll find a way, you'll see."

Naruto laughed at the thought. Sakura frowned, a little hurt that he didn't seem to trust that she could. He looked out the window and said, "I'll hold you to it."

"You don't think that I can?" she asked.

"I didn't say that."

"Special dispensation remember?"

"I know," he laughed.

"I promise."

"I know."

"Really."

"I know, I know," he laughed again.

"Then what's the matter?"

"I dunno," he sighed, "... I just think it's a crock of shit to try to calculate someone's worth. That's not the way it's supposed to be out there. Nothing out there is anything like here. Nothing. Huge stretched of nothing and still they think they can bring what we built here. It doesn't work that way."

She looked at him inquisitively.

"Why do you say that?"

"Everything we built here is built because of where we are. We can't take this," he gestured around him, "– this stuff! What we build there will be built for Mars and nothing we made on Earth will be of any use."

"Well, that's not entirely fair," she said as she turned left at the fork in the road, "We survived here didn't we? And we terraformed Mars."

"You know what I mean. We made Mars suit us. We built what we built trying to make it look just like home. But that isn't our home."

"Just think of it as part of exploration."

"That's just it. We didn't bother to explore... we didn't try to understand. We just got scared and did whatever so that we could go on living our lives like we always have. But we made so many mistakes. Don't you think this could have been a chance to think about what we had to do a little more... more..."

"Thoroughly?"

"Yeah."

"But we're here now," she says.

"We're going to let people die," Naruto said with brows furrowed.

"Humanity has to survive somehow. We'll do what we have to do, right? It sucks, and I don't like it either, but what's done is done and we will have to live with every mistake of past generations. We'll make it right in the end, I know it."

"I won't be of any use to them."

"It doesn't matter what they think, I won't let you go, alright?"

"I know, Sakura."

"We'll be alright."

"I wish I wasn't always so stuck in the clouds."

Sakura looked at him wide eyed, surprised at what he said. He was always a dreamer, she knew, and for everything he did he was unapologetic. He had never been one for regrets, yet here he was, with fear, and worry, and sadness, and so many other emotions sitting in the pit of his stomach. She wasn't used to seeing this in him. Despair.  
"Eighteen years worth of experience, Sakura, that's what they'll judge me on," he shrugs, "That could have been enough, I think. I'm pretty sure I already know everything I need to know..."

"... Everything?"

"Yeah... everything it takes to be a good man. That's supposed to be the most important thing, right?"

"I guess..."

"... I'm just lacking the part where I grow the fuck up. So what? I have to trade in everything I dreamed of for that? So... so when a dream doesn't come true, it's the cost of the learning the lesson, right?"

"... so what does that mean?"

"It feels like... it's something worse than a lie."

They both sat in silence for a moment. Naruto looked out onto the road, but soon after, he closed his eyes, tired from thinking. The wind flowed through his hair while he breathed in the faint scent of leaves in the air.

"Naruto?" Sakura whispered.

Naruto opened his eyes but did not turn to look at her.

"Why do you think about this stuff?"

"Don't you?" he answered after a moment.

"Not really."

Naruto was silent, then he looked at her and asked, "Why?"

Sakura stared at the road ahead, not quite sure what to say to him. She glanced at him, then turned her attention back to the road.

"Because everything will be alright in the end."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. Are you worried?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head as he said to her, "I can't be wasting my time anymore. I don't know how everything will change after... and I just got to wondering if I mean anything at all in the face of all this."

Sakura smiled a gentle smile, "You do, Naruto."

He smiled back at her.

"Sakura?"

"Hm?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Naruto..."

"I was just looking at you..."

"Tell me..."

"It's nothing..."

"No more wasting time, right, Naruto?"

"Another time."

"Come on."

"No."

"Quit being a dumb boy and say it."

Naruto looked at her for a moment, quietly deciding what he should do, considering the consequences of the words he might say.

"Okay," he took a deep breath, finally answering her.

"Okay..." she looked at him before turning her attention on the road ahead, "...waiting."

"I was gonna ask... I just need to know..." he mumbled.

Sakura placed her hand on the stick-shift and shifts gears, but as she does she feels Naruto's hand on top of hers. She gasps at his touch and instinctively holds on to the stick-shift tighter.

"Naruto, what are you...?"

"I wanted to ask... what I mean to you? If maybe... I'm special to you."

Sakura was taken aback. She was unsure of what to say, but even if she had an answer, she wasn't sure if she could manage to speak. Her heart began to race; she could hear every beat thumping in her ear.

"Naruto?"

He does not answer back. Instead, he waits. The pace of her breath picks up and her lip trembles.

"Naruto, you know I... Sasuke and I, we..." her lip trembled as she spoke, "Naruto, please..."

He held her hand tighter and looked at her.

"I didn't ask about you and Sasuke."

Her eyes began welling with tears.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," Sakura said softly.

"Do you think... maybe... you could have loved me... like you love him now?"

Sakura pulled her hand away from under his.

"No," She said bluntly.

He pressed his lips together in an attempt to hide how much that stung.

"Why?"

She pressed on the brakes, stopping the truck abruptly. They both jolted forward, then dropped back into their seats with a light thump. The dust picked up around the tires, settling slowly back onto the road.

"Stop it, Naruto," she whimpered.

"You told me to ask you."

"I didn't want you to ask that."

He tried to hide the hurt she caused from what she said, but he could not stop his impulse to frown. His brows furrowed and he tried to take her by the hand again.

"You know how I feel. I never hid this from you. Before everything changes, before everything is gone... I just want to know..." he did not finish his sentence when he is silenced with a slap. He looked up at her then looked away quickly. He could not understand the expression on her face and he could neither bear to meet her eyes.

"Get out," she said with a sob, tears brimming in her eyes.

His hands were trembling. He breathed in a deep breath.

"Please..." he pleaded, "Even if it hurts me, I need to know..."

"I'm sorry," she said as she turned away from him.

The air in his lungs felt like it was sucked out all at once. He sat stunned. A prickly heat rose on the back of his neck and his eyes began to sting.

"I see," he said softly, "I'm sorry, I just..."

He looked away as she glanced towards him.

"It's nothing, I guess," he said as he opens the door and stepped out, "I'm... I'm sorry."

He closed the door behind him and began to walk down the road. Sakura watched him from her rearview mirror, his retreating figure punctuated by the shoulders which hung low, deflated. For him, it was the feeling of his first true defeat. For her, it was the stinging sensation of the first time he walked away from her.

She opened her window and poked her head out to look at him.

"Naruto, wait!" she called out to him, but wondered if perhaps he had been waiting all his life. She stepped out the truck and walked towards him, speeding up her pace so that she could catch up.

Was it painful to wait, she thought as she observed his tall silhouette, shadowed in the sunset. She bit her lip at the thought, but wondered if he knew how painful it was to be the one to make him wait.

"I said wait!" she called as she jogged up to him.

When she finally caught up to him, he had made his way on the low road, muddied beside the marshes they observed from a distance. She stopped at the edge of the mud and called his name again. He turned around this time, but was too far for her to read his face.

"Hey, I'll be fine, I know the way," he called back.

"Come back. Don't go through there."

"I've been through the marshes before. I'm a big boy, I'm not afraid to get a little dirty," she could make out his lips curved in a smile as he bared his teeth.

"Let's go, please."

"Don't follow me, you'll get that dress of yours all muddy."

She took a step forward onto the muddied path in defiance.

"Sakura, seriously, it's fine."

"Don't make me get you, dummy."

He turned away from her and walked further out. She grabbed the skirt of her dress and lifted it up as she took her step towards him. Her first step into the mud made a disgusting squishing sound as her foot sank in. She took another step in and hears a satisfying slosh in the puddle that she splashed.

She raised her dress higher and began to trot. The mud is kicked up, and her dress is spotted with it. Naruto turned around as she reached him.

"I told you," he said as she stopped in front of him, "Look you're all dirty."

"Just come back. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay," he smiled, "I get it. I do."

"Please, Naruto. Let's go."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

She punched him in the arm.

"I said I didn't mean it. Let's go."

"I'm telling you I don't want to go."

"Stop being so stubborn," she says as she punched him in the arm again, but she miscalculated the amount of force she put in. As she hit him, she slipped on the slope next to her, diving face-first into the water below.

"Na-Naruto!" she called out in panic, and he reached out to her. She grabbed him, but he falls too, both of them, sliding on the mud of the slope right into the water of the marsh.

The water was only shin deep, but they had somehow submerged themselves completely. They emerged, breathless, covered in mud and filth, holding each other. Sakura pushed him away, gasping.

"Oh my God," she said breathlessly, "I'm covered in this shit!"

Naruto looked at her as he wipes the mud from her face with his thumb and started to laugh.

"This is terrible! Why are you laughing?"

He continued to laugh heartily and she reached up and grabbed his hair in frustration.

"This isn't funny," but the tears in Naruto's eyes and his bellowing laughter was contagious.

"Stop it," she said chuckling a little, unable to hold it back. Her hand slid down from his hair to his shoulders, and though he is filthy, and though he is acting like the stupid, immature boy she had always known, she knew the laughter he shared with her was hers alone. She smiled at him finally able to say that she would jealously guard her right to his smile.

"I'm being selfish," she said to no one in particular, but before he is able to react she kissed him on the lips.

He is taken by surprise and it is his turn to slip and fall, so he falls, and falls, and falls but she is finally there to catch him.  
________________________________________

They sat side by side by the edge of the water. They were caked in mud, slowly drying in the twilight. Hands intertwined, tight, his arm pulling her closer till her shoulder met his, he leans towards her and presses his lips against her hair.

He managed to mumble, "Since we're here, let's play a game."

She smiled to herself remembering the night they stranded themselves in the truck, "Sure."

"I'll ask a question..." he whispered.

"... and I'll answer."

She leaned her head onto his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist. A cool wind blew past, but she is warm, so she does not shiver. She hears the slow rhythm of his breath and feels the rise and fall of his chest

"Do you love me..." he started.

He felt the beating of his heart in his throat, pulsating as it suddenly sped up.

He then managed with a gulp, "... because I love you."

She placed her fingers on his cheek to make him face her. He blinked in surprise at the gesture and did not look at her, party because he felt bashful, but mostly because he had never thought to be touched so intimately. He closed his eyes for a moment as he mustered up the courage to look at her. When he finally does, the twilight was, for a moment, captured in his eyes and Sakura gasped at how, for that one moment, she was enraptured at his glance. She blushed and stopped herself from looking away and allowed herself to wonder at how so much beauty was hidden from the world.

She pressed her forehead against his and answered, "For tonight, I love you more than anyone in the world."

He pulled away from her, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. She sees the hurt in his eyes, but she did not look away when he asked softly, "... just tonight?"

Before she could even think about it, her vision was blurred by tears. She doesn't know what to do so she held her palm against his face and kissed him. He felt hurt but lost in the moment at the same time and couldn't help but kiss her back. She reared back and looked at him and every time she made her way to kiss him again, she closed her eyes tightly. Every time she closed her eyes, her tears would roll out. She didn't know why she's crying, nor could she fathom the reason why the answer she gave seemed to sting her too, so she kissed him over and over again. She just wanted to be close. She wanted to be warm. He ached to be loved.

"Just tonight," she whispered, "You know why, don't you?"

He nodded, though he really didn't know the reason, but at least he loved her and she knew, and it was for him to give her and not for her to take.

She did not look at him when she stood up. He is startled, but unable to move. He was afraid that she would walk away, but instead, she held out her hand to him. Wordlessly, he obliged and stood up as well. She pulled him back in the direction of the truck wordlessly. They were leaving. He frowned a little, trying to hide his disappointment, but his frown vanished as he became bewildered when Sakura climbed onto the truck's flatbed. She reached out for him again. He looked at her, her face obscured by her hair, and climbed on.

She gestured for him to sit down, so he does. She knelt beside him and leaned in to kiss him again. She brushed her lips against his.

She pulled away for a moment and said softly, "Naruto..."

"Hm?"

He is not ready for it when she pressed her small body against his. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest and the quickening pace of her breath on his neck. Her hands climbed up his arm, searching, needing. His hands against her back, his arms coiled around her with no intention of letting her go.

She placed her lips against his ear.

"Just for tonight, I love you more than anyone else in the world."


	3. Beneath the Sky, Above the Sea

**Year 2113**  
**Fall**

She shifted down to a lower gear and turned on a small slope to a secluded hill overlooking what used to be a wheat field. She stopped close to the top and pulled on the handbrake, turned the key and turned off the engine. Naruto smiled at her. He squinted for a moment as the sunlight shone into the truck. It was already sunset by the time they arrived. He placed his hand on the door preparing to open it.

He opened the door and stepped out and Sakura followed suit. He walked towards the slope while Sakura trotted behind to catch up to him, and when she did, she reached for his hand and laced her fingers between his. He clasped her hand then, tight, so he wouldn't lose her.

They reached the lookout overlooking the fields hand in hand and sat upon the slopes. They looked upon the flats that were gold, and white, and brown, and beautiful in vastness, but dead in all but color and memory. The distant scent of rain was on the wind, but the breeze was warm.

They sat down together on the slopes, still hand in hand.

They sat in silence for a long while, both remembering their lives until then and wondering about the lives that lay before them. They stared at the expanse of a once living world and felt its decay in their own ways, in their own lives, and all at once reflected on their desperation for a map and a design to the meaning they wished to convey to each other.

"Hey, lie down," she says suddenly.

"Huh? What?"

"I said lie down, dummy," Sakura giggled, "I need something to lie down on. I want to put my head on your tummy."

"Wow, really? I'm just a pillow to you?"

"Want me to use someone else?"

He smiled at her as he noticed her grin at him playfully. Her eyes twinkled delicately in the glow of the waning light.

"I'll do it, but I'm warning you, it'll be the hardest pillow you ever lay down on," he said as he rubbed his stomach in exaggerated circles, "Absolutely rock hardest. Actual description, no typo there."

"Wow," Sakura rolled her eyes, "Cocky much. Don't worry I'll keep it in mind. Now hurry up!"

She grabbed his shoulders to force him down and with barely a push, she managed to take him to the ground. She leaned over him, staring at his lips.

"You went down easy. I bet you just wanted me on top of you, perv," she whispered.

He just looked at her without moving. Their eyes met as he laid his back down flat on the grass and Sakura couldn't help but blush at the calm intensity of his stare.

She slid down, too embarrassed to keep looking, and finally laid down on top of his stomach.

"Don't just say nothing, dummy."

Naruto just laughed and stroked her hair.

"Hey," Sakura says softly.

"Hm?"

"Do you have any games you want to play?"

"What? You mean like truth or truth?"

"That's really not much of a game," Sakura laughed.

"Your call then. Pick a game or a topic. I'm just a pillow, I don't know anything about that."

Sakura chuckled and thought about questions she's asked and things she's wondered about. She thought about who she is and who he is and how they ended up where they were, and how they've lived their lives in moments and memories.

She rolled to the side to look at him.

"Do you think we get reincarnated?" she asked.

"I never thought about that," Naruto replied, "Why?"

"I don't know. What if we did and people stopped existing? Where would we go?"

Naruto laughed softly and Sakura felt the low bellow of his chuckle on her cheek.

"We'd find ourselves somewhere else, maybe. There must be somewhere else to go where there's life."

"Okay, then, who would I have been in a past life?"

"Huh?" Naruto stammered, "I don't know. Totally not my expertise."

"What, then, are you an expert of?" Sakura laughed, "Stars and other worlds, I imagine?"

"Don't make fun," Naruto said, embarrassed.

"What kind of a person do think I was in a past life then?"

"That's a really tough question. Am I supposed to figure that out?"

He felt her nodding.

Naruto thought that perhaps a past life should give some meaning to who you became so he thought about the person she was now and the person she wanted to be when they were just children, trying to hedge the difference. She was always tough and very feisty. She was never too rowdy, but could never hold herself back from a challenge. She played to win but didn't care who recognized her for it. She loved animals. She loved reading. She was good at studying. She could be cruel. She was most often compassionate.

A warrior queen was too cliché an answer, but then so many others were too. Anything else just seemed so plain. But when he thought of her, she was just so many shades of wonderful in his eyes that there was hardly anything that could do her justice.

"You were a frontierswoman doctor."

"Wow," Sakura laughed, "That's actually super specific."

"Hell, yeah it is."

"So, what, I drove a cart around a desert full of nothing administering fake cure-alls trying to get rich?"

"That's a different one. Something something oil selling."

"Snake oil salesman, you mean. So at least we established that it isn't that."

"Yeah, but frontierswoman doctor is so you."

"Oh yeah?" Sakura smiled with her eyes twinkling, "Tell me why."

"You probably helped a lot of people," he paused, thinking of a way to describe it, "Like those samurai movies, where the hero goes from town to town helping people out. Except that instead of chopping people up, you're putting them back together."

They shared a laugh.

"I like the sound of that."

"Okay, do me this time," he exclaimed excitedly.

Sakura giggled at his boyishness. There was a weightlessness to him that comforted her.

"Alright," she said thoughtfully.

It was difficult to know who he could have been, knowing him as well as she did. He didn't enjoy much except imagining things, but he was no writer. He was fierce and intense, always looking for a fight, and yet he always thoughtful and kind. He never believed that he needed to know more than anyone else, he only wished for the wisdom plumb the depths of meaning that he may live with every ebb and every tide.

Like jetsam.

Like a rocketeer lost in space.

She looked at him looking at the darkening sky. The stars were peeking out from under a translucent layer of blue and at the edge, dark clouds loomed and crept. She felt his every breath, every raise and every drop.

"It's hard. I don't really know," she smiled.

"I told you it's hard to guess."

"Well, what do you think you were? Maybe we can figure it out from there."

He scratched his face as he often did when he was thinking.

"Maybe I was the captain of a ship? That sounds like me, right? Explorer sounds like a fun job."

"Are you serious?" Sakura giggled, "No way! You probably swabbed he deck, if anything."

He breathed out sharply from his nose.

She reached out to his face, outlined by the waning light. She couldn't make out his expression just by looking, but as she slipped her fingertips across his lips, she realized he was pouting.

"Don't pout, dummy."

"But Sakura," he whined, "That's so boring…"

"It isn't."

"Yes, it is…" he protested.

"You're far from a captain, Naruto. If you were at sea, you probably wouldn't bother with all that pomp and circumstance. Swab the decks in the morning, loose the topsails when you're told and all the rest of that silly sailor junk…"

Naruto squirmed under her as she giggled, feeling the rumble of her laughter in his chest. He knew she wasn't making fun of him, but he wished she at least thought he could become better than he was now.

"… but if I were to imagine you…" she continued thoughtfully, "… at night, you'd stagger up on deck, drunk on rum and dreams of women, you'd lay down and look at the stars, and then… and then…"

"That's so cheesy, Sakura," he complained.

"But it's you, right?" she said as she smiled.

"You know me best, I guess," he mumbled.

"You know I do."

He paused to think for a moment.

"Well… where would you have been if I was at sea?" he asks.

"I would have been some lonely, young, something-or-other girl in some tiny harbor town waiting for your ship to come back."

"Waiting for me?"

"Yeah."

He paused.

"Only me?"

She smiled to herself then.

"In that life," she said softly, "Definitely."

They stayed silent for the next few minutes, enjoying each others presence. She was no longer surprised by his boldness, much less for his greed, but at least she understood why.

He noticed that she always spoke softly, as if in secret. He wondered sometimes if she did this to tread softly; softly because of their tangled and oftentimes thorny history, or maybe it was guilt from a kind of betrayal that he was complicit in as well.

Sakura parted her lips and took a deep breath of cold air.

"Hey, we'd better go," Naruto said as a raindrop fell on the tip of his nose.

"Okay," Sakura said with a smile.

Maybe they didn't complete each other, they both seemed to think. Maybe they would never be able to keep their promises to each other. They knew it was too sad a thing to call love, but at least between them, that's what it was.

________________________________________

**Chapter Three**  
_Beneath the Sky, Above the Sea_

Sakura went with Naruto to his house. The storms were becoming more frequent due to the atmospheric disturbances and deterioration, but some, like the one that just rolled in, were much more violent than usual.

She sat on his bed while he gathered some clothes from his dresser, looking around his room. The wallpaper was peeling at the edges and his study table was a faded green. It was an ugly table, but she remembered it from when they were children when it was a more vibrant color.

He had no mirror in his room or any frames on his wall, but he kept photo albums in the shelves. Surprisingly, he had some books.

"You should call your mom, let her know that you're okay. And check up on Sasuke too. I hope this thing passes sooner than later or the roads won't be passable for weeks."

"Mhm, anyway, I did already, while you were in the bathroom," she said, "Your uncle suggested the same thing."

"So responsible."

"Yeah, your uncle said the same thing. Said he wishes you were the same."

He handed her a sweater and a pair of pajama pants. The sweater was big and grey and heavy and the pants had a silly pattern with dancing cats. She giggled and imagined that he wore these all the time but thought that the only reason why she never saw him wear it is because he made sure not to show her.

"Dancing cats?"

"Um, yeah…"

"I want to see you wear them."

"Another time," he said as he laughed nervously.

"Hey," she looks at him playfully, "You better wash these after I use them."

"Well obviously…"

"I'm serious. Don't perv out and start sniffing these."

"What? Hey, hold on with the accusations there…"

"Especially the pants."

"Sakura!"

"Tell me you will."

"I will, I will. Relax," he laughed.

He opened his dresser again and fished out a crumpled blanket which, Sakura was sure, he was too lazy to fold.

"Hey, um, I hope you aren't grossed out, but, um, all my other sheets are dirty so I can't change my bedsheets…"

"It's fine, dummy, stop worrying."

They stood in his room looking at each other awkwardly. Naruto rubbed the back of his neck and looked around his room – anywhere at all would do for as long as he didn't have to meet her eyes. She stared intently at his feet.

"Uh, goodnight," he said abruptly as he tried to step out of the room, "I'll be on the couch if you need me."

Sakura grabbed him by the sleeve then and reached over and gave him a quick embrace from his side.

"G'night. Knock before coming in tomorrow, okay?" Sakura mumbled into his sleeve.

She let go and pushed him out of the room and closed the door. Naruto shuffled down the stairs with his blanket and laid down on the couch. He smiled contentedly as he clutched the blanket and though he was far too big for to sleep on the couch and though he was very uncomfortable, he fell asleep almost immediately feeling warm inside.

Sakura sat alone in Naruto's room, at the edge of the bed unable to sleep, so she turned on the lamp on the side table and grabbed an album from his shelf. It was a dusty old thing, covered in a pattern with balloons. She opened it as it creaked slightly from the rust on the coil metal bindings.

There were few pictures of him as a child and most were photos he took of things he found curious. He wasn't a very good photographer, but because she knew him like she did, it made her curious to know what he saw when he looked at those things. He had photos of trees and sticks, of bowling balls, of dirt and anthills; he had photos of the two of them, photos with Sasuke when they were closer, photos of his uncle with his late aunt. He had no photos of his parents, but he once told her he thinks his mother was probably very beautiful.

She closed the album and put it back, still unable to sleep. She scanned the shelves of the few books he had, most were anthologies of fairy tales like One Thousand and One Nights; Moby Dick was there too; one was a book she gave him the year before which was about Marco Polo in Genghis Khan's court which she noticed still had a bookmark on the first few pages. The last was a small book that was a little tattered whose bindings had eroded. She picked it out gently and turned its pages gingerly. It was a short children's book that she recognized, but some of the pages were missing.

It was the story of the sea and the sky and the love they had for each other. They were destined never to be together no matter how hard they tried, but try they did. So, the sky shone his light on her and reflected all her brilliance onto himself, blue as the sea, and told her that he could only be beautiful so long as she was.

She remembered him reading it often and though he never said so, she knew it was his favourite book. She continued to leaf through it until a page fell out from the back. She cursed under her breath and reached under the bed for the page, but when she touched it, she noticed that it felt glossy.

When she looked at it under the lamplight, she saw it was a picture of Naruto with a girl who she didn't recognize. A girl with delicate black hair that fell like gossamer threads on her slight shoulders. She was white like alabaster and had pale, dainty lips like that of a porcelain doll. She was blushing as if the radiance of his smile burned her fragile cheeks. Naruto was sunburnt in the photo, but was the same man she knew so well. By his smile, she could tell he was a little embarrassed while taking the photo, but she knew he almost never blushed because he was never shy about how he felt.

Sakura grinded her teeth, a choking sensation gripping her body. She quickly placed the photo back in the book and placed it back on the shelf. She turned the light off and laid down, but it would be many restless hours still until she would be able to sleep at all.

________________________________________

It was a humid Sunday morning and the ground was still wet from the downpour. Jiraiya was in the kitchen making breakfast, but Sakura spoke very little and was very terse with her responses, though she still tried to be as polite as she could be. Before even eating, she thanked Jiraiya and told him she had to be home. Naruto was still asleep on the couch and for once, she didn't bother to wake him.

She tried sleeping again when she arrived at home and seemed to sleep better in a bed that did not smell like Naruto and wearing clothes that he had never worn. She slept into the afternoon despite her parents' best efforts to wake her up, but upon waking she realized she was still as tired as she was before. She could not remember whatever she was dreaming about, but whatever it was did not help her feel better anyway. She did not understand why she had become so upset, but she was no stranger to envy. She didn't understand why she felt the way she did because she knew she had no reason to be unhappy, but that was also far from meaning that she wasn't.

She had not gotten out of bed yet when she heard banging on her front door. She crawled out of her sheets and stretched before she looked out the window of her room. She noticed her parents' car was not in the driveway, but she noticed Naruto's bike.

She went downstairs, still groggy from her nap and made her way to the door. She opened it to find Naruto standing on her porch. She took a deep breath and waved him in.

"Hey, Sakura," he pouted, "Why didn't you wake me up? I thought you wanted to go to the thing today because Sasuke's busy interning."

"I'm tired, Naruto, I didn't feel like it."

"You could have woken me up and at least had breakfast with us before going, you know."

"I had to go home."

"You just took a nap! You could've just stayed in my bed."

Sakura shuffled to the living room with Naruto following closely behind. She plops herself down on the couch and Naruto did the same beside her.

"Are you… sick?" Naruto asked cautiously.

"No."

"Monthly problems?"

"You're being a pest."

"So, it is!"

"No, Naruto," Sakura grumbled under her breath as she flicked him in the forehead.

Naruto laughed and rubbed the center of his forehead. He observed her and saw that she was still frowning. He was a little confused by her behavior, but decided at first that he might have just caught her on a bad day. He tried to think of a way to see what was wrong with her, as he thought of ways to get her to talk to him about it, the thought crossed his mind that this might have something to do with Sasuke. Since this was the most likely scenario, he decided it would be better to skirt around it for now and find a way to occupy her until he could find a way to help.

"Hey," Naruto said.

"What?" Sakura seemed to growl.

"Uh, do you… wanna do something else?"

"Not really."

"Eat something?"

"Not in particular."

"Come on, Sakura, you're never like this. It can be whatever, you pick."

"No, Naruto, I'm tired."

"You slept all day! Really, we can even just do something here."

"Let's just get you back home so I can go back to sleep."

"I'll think of what to do and you approve or, like, say no."

"Naruto…"

She felt her irritation building steadily.

"Let's go to the oak tree past the field!"

"Why?"

"You always had fun there."

"The oak you fell out of when we were little?" Sakura deadpanned as she glared at him, "I didn't have fun there. You did."

"Uh… yeah, okay. Somewhere else then…"

"I only ever had fun there when I watched you trip over and you break your two front teeth."

Naruto laughed nervously, looking at Sakura from the corner of his eye.

"What's with you today," Naruto tested, "Why are you upset anyway?"

"It's because you're stupid," Sakura spat.

Naruto's brow furrowed. Sakura could be cold, but never spiteful.

"No really."

"Really, really," Sakura muttered with a huff.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Sakura."

"None of your business."

"So, which is it? Nothing or you just don't want to tell me?"

"Stop. I'm warning you."

"Go ahead and warn me. I won't stop. Now tell me."

"It's nothing, now quit fucking asking. You're pissing me off."

"Goddamn, could you stop being so damn stubborn," he said through grit teeth.

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Oh, it was just a fucking suggestion, ma'am, my deepest apologies for inconveniencing you." Naruto said as he waved her off sarcastically, "I don't get why you're being such a stubborn bitch, I'm just worried about you is all!

"Stop being so nosy! You aren't my boyfriend so quit trying to act like it!"

Naruto visibly recoiled.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but you're right, I'm not Sasuke," Naruto said a little hurt, raising his voice to match his level of frustration, "But I'm the one worrying about you right now, so deal with it. If you're having problems with him, don't take it out on me!"

Sakura felt her temper flare as she gripped the pillow in her lap so hard that some of the seams popped.

"You've always been such a prick," she replies without looking, "It's no wonder I never took you seriously in the first place."

"What the hell is your problem anyway?"

She cut him off and grabbed him by the sleeve.

"You're always hanging around me like some lost puppy. I wish you'd just go fuck off somewhere else sometimes so I don't have to deal with your emotional meltdowns! I'm sick of dealing with you always moping around like it's your hobby to imagine me fucking Sasuke! Well, fucking don't, I can handle anything to do with that on my own."

Naruto thought his heart stopped.

"And you know what else? I never…"

She stops when he grabs her wrist. He gripped it firmly, squeezing just a little too hard. She winced, surprised at him and immediately let go of his shirt. She was scared for a moment, having never thought she would be the object of his anger, but she felt his hand tremble as his grip loosened.

He was gritting his teeth. His breath was hitching.

"Sakura, please…" he said softly, "That's enough…"

Sakura caught her breath and realized what she said. He let go.

She waited for him to say something more, hoping for any kind of response – even one loaded with vitriol – but nothing came.

Sakura was caught off-guard by his silence. She wasn't sure if she hurt him, nor was she sure if she intended to, but there was a pit in her stomach that just made her feel like saying what she said. But in the silence between them, with only the rattle of her breath and the silent quivering of his fingers, it left enough for her to regret.

"… sorry," he managed weakly, "You're right. It's none of my business."

Sakura bit her lip trying to think of something to say. She glanced at him looking for an opportunity to smile and play it off as a really bad joke or apologize or anything at all, but he was no longer looking at her. Maybe he was avoiding her glances, which would be a small thing, but she worries he may eventually decide to avoid her altogether.

"Hey…" she finally tried.

"… Yeah?" he said, as he sat on the couch again.

"I didn't mean it."

He knew she meant it. He knew that it was meant to hurt him and he knew it was done in anger more than malice, but knowing never made it hurt less. He knew what the two of them did in their private moments together, but he took no interest in how, or if she liked it, or if her nails dug into his skin, or if she called out his name. He almost always knew when; Sasuke always smelled like her flowery shampoo the day after and she just glowed.

"I know you didn't mean it," he said with a hint of bitterness.

She watched him carefully, trying desperately to look in his eyes, but never catching them.

"Do you really?"

"Yeah," he answered curtly, "Don't worry about it anymore, okay?

She flinched from the briefness of his responses. She didn't want to leave it at that, but also worried at what would happen if she pressed the issue. She felt like she had trapped herself in a corner and had no way to fight out from it. His anger would have been easier to deal with.

"Do you promise?" she asked once more, softer this time.

He wasn't sure what to tell her, thinking that it felt like a cheap way to get out of an argument. She was always bad at communicating and even worse at letting him in, but she never seemed to find it hard to push him away. She was never his and he understood that, but perhaps she didn't want the responsibility of letting him be hers either, not in reality or even vaguely in context.

Sakura waited for his answer but this, too, does not come. She knew she was being unfair, to have suddenly started wanting him to be closer despite all her efforts to keep him at bay. He still would not meet her eyes. She stared at him, pleading with him silently, to just look at her.

She choked back the tears that started to well up in her eyes and fought back a sob clawing its way to the surface.

"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom for a bit," she said, trying to hide the cracking in her voice, "Wait for me, okay?"

Naruto didn't say anything, but smiled gently. She stood up and made her way up the stairs while he sat unmoving.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against the counter, hands pulling back her hair from her forehead. She placed her fingers on her cheeks and felt the tears streaming from her eyes. She sobbed quietly trying to hold back whatever it was she was feeling and choked it down as best as she could. She washed her face clean and took a breath to relax.

She opened the door to the bathroom and started making her way down the stairs.

"Naruto," she called to him cautiously, "We can go out... if that's what you want. I won't fight you on it anymore, so let's go... wherever you like."

When she reached the bottom of the stairs she looked towards the living room only to find Naruto was not there.

"Naruto?" she called to him as she sat back down on the couch.

She felt uneasy as she sat alone, glancing around the room for any sign of him. She stood up and walked to the kitchen, expecting him to be there, or perhaps hoping, but he was not there either. She felt a lump in her throat as the thought crossed her mind that he left. She decided that she would put the thought out of her mind.

"He wouldn't just leave," she muttered, trying to reassure herself.

She retuned to the living room, sat down, and waited. She could not still her thoughts while she did and felt even more confused the longer she tried to consider why she had such an outburst. Minutes passed and still he had not returned.

Sakura decided to look outside. She opened her door and looked around from her porch hoping he was just sitting somewhere else to get some air. When she did not find him, she walked around her house and still found no sign of him. She was starting to feel the desperation building in her stomach. His bike was gone.

"Naruto!" she called out hoping that he might hear her.

She started breathing heavily then with the stress of worry and realized that he really must have just gone home. She dashed into her house and grabbed her keys from the counter, jumping out the front door and sprinting to her truck. She stepped inside and started the engine, peeling out of her driveway onto the road determined to fix whatever it was that she might have broken.

She started driving in the direction of his house, looking on either side of the road hoping that she would see him making his way.

She drove many miles then thinks that there was no way he could have biked that far. When she realized this, she hit the brakes as hard as she could and the truck skidded gracelessly to the side of the road. She turned it around and drove the other way, now desperate, and she pressed the gas pedal hard, speeding down the road until she knew it was impossible that he could have gone far in that direction as well. She stopped the truck, with tears threatening to burst out of her and she got out, walking onto the empty road.

She looked down both directions of seemingly endless dust and stone and wonders where he could have gone. Maybe he cut through the field behind her house, or walked along the ravine to take the long way home. Maybe he wasn't going home. Maybe he doesn't want to see her anymore.

"Naruto!" she called out, the wind tearing the words from her lips.

There was no response, but she knew there was little hope of him hearing her voice.

"Naruto!" she yelled once more. She thought that even if he heard, he probably wouldn't answer, but she hoped he heard at least an echo so he might know she was running after him this time.

Her tears flowed freely from her eyes as she sunk to the ground. She wiped the tears off her face harshly, willing herself to stop crying, but failing with every sob that escaped. Her lips were numb and chapped and her cheeks were sore. Her sobs became more violent and rocked her small body as if she were being shaken. She pressed her legs into her chest and sobbed into her knees.

________________________________________

The next day, Sakura set off to Naruto's home as was routine on weekdays. The sun was barely peeking up from the horizon as Sakura made her way to Naruto's house. Her window was rolled down and she could smell the raw scent of barley on the wind as she approached. The light of the sky tinged everything a dark blue melting everything together in a smudged silhouette.

She turned into Naruto's driveway and parked. She sat a little longer in her truck trying to let the feeling of nervousness pass, but these seemed to amplify the more she thought about it. She took a deep breath and decided to get going. She stepped out of the truck, each step marked by the sound of crunching gravel. A cold breeze blew past her and she was chilled to the bone. She places her hands in the pockets of her jacket and made her way towards his house just a little more quickly.

"Come on in, Sakura," she heard Jiraiya call from inside.

Sakura stepped onto the porch of Naruto's home and listened for the voices from the television show that Naruto watched every morning but heard nothing except the sizzling of oil from the kitchen.

"G-good morning," she said as she opened the screen door of the house tentatively, looking around for any sign of Naruto.

"'Morning, dear," Jiraiya said with a smile, "I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Oh, um," Sakura tripped over her words, "I guess I'm a bit early so there's a lot of time for him to get ready."

"Well yeah, but Naruto told me this morning he was going into town on his own. Early day at work and all that. He took his bike, left well before dawn," Jiraiya said as he chewed on a piece of bacon he fished out of the pan, "First time he's ever woken up that early, too bad he wasn't coordinating with you. Anyway, I'm sure you'll give him an earful later, won't you?"

"Oh, well… yeah, for sure. Anyway, it's not his fault this time. I guess I forgot... Sorry to bother you," she mumbled.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

"N-no thank you," she stuttered, "I'm not feeling too well anyway. Please take care."

"You too, Sakura. You be good, now."

She walked back to her truck and left.

________________________________________

Another storm had started rolling into town that Thursday, but unlike the others that blew in in prior weeks, this one was meant to be the largest in months. The shopkeeper she worked part-time with had sent her home early to allow her time to get home safely.

Sakura started to pack up her things and trotted through the rain outside as quickly as she could to reach her truck. She fumbled with her keys for a time until she was finally able to open the door of the truck. She sat in her seat, wet from the downpour as she started the engine.

She had not seen or heard from Naruto since the last time they spoke, but she thought about him often throughout that week. She wondered if he was also thinking of her. She decided to leave him be for the time being, despite her hopes for him to go to her.

She drove through the town watching people packing up their storefronts while fighting the hastening wind. Some streets were already completely deserted with windows boarded.

As she left town, the roads started becoming rougher and muddier – not much outside was paved. Her radio had been broken for years and the only sound she could listen to was the crash of every raindrop on her windshield. Now that Sasuke was busy with his family preparing him to take on military school, it seemed like his father was intent on having him associate himself with the every old patrician of the army, so she was almost never able to see him. Naruto had been her driving companion since then and her companion in almost everything else and he wasn't with her now.

Things were more complicated. She remembered the night at the marshes on her birthday and all the frenzied kisses they planted on each other and wondered if it he still felt her lips there, lingering in a memory deep enough that he'll think of her even when he doesn't want to. She remembered the day after, she thought to herself she wanted it to end there, she did, after all, belong to someone else. Her vanity breathed to life the rationalization that, in a way, she had rewarded his loyalty to her. And though she knew the words of what she had truly felt that night, the signs were often obscured by pride, promise, and ideas of what should be.

Having the time to think about all of this started feeling burdensome.

As she drove down the road, she noticed a figure in the distance carrying his bicycle as he trudged through the rushing runoff and mud. Sakura pulled over ahead of him to offer help. She was unable to see the person clearly as the rain was heavy enough that everything on the windshield looked like a blur.  
She looked at herself in the rear-view mirror and sighed.

"I'm not getting any wetter anyway."

She opened the door and stepped out, trudging through the slick mud towards the figure.

"Sakura?" the man called over the howling of the wind.

She squinted through the drops of rain on her face to see who it was and saw it was Naruto.

"Are you stupid? Why did you leave town when you had no way home? Why didn't you just call me?" she says almost by reflex even though she was just as surprised to see him

Naruto was a little amazed at how she could scold him in such a state.

"I was already out when the winds came. Can we discuss this another time?"

"Come with me okay? I'll take you home."

Sakura looked at him once more as he looked at her with his hair matted on his face. He looked away from her when he noticed the clothes clinging to her body.

She thought about talking to him again and decided there and then that she wouldn't let him turn her away and talk to him about everything so she would have him back.

"Actually, Naruto, I don't feel well. Drive me home."

"What?" he says softly as he finally turns to face her, but still can't seem to meet her eyes, "Me? Drive?"

She turned away.

"Just get in the truck, okay? Don't argue with me right now."

"Okay…"

He walked to the truck carrying the bike over his shoulder. She followed closely behind him as he slid the bike gently into the flatbed, noticing the mud caked on the tires and his pants. As he turned to get to the driver's side of the truck, she grabs him by the hand and embraces him, pressing her face into his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles and though he can't really hear her, he feels her voice ringing in his chest.

She looks up at him and he down at her. He noticed that her eyes were a little puffy. Before he could say anything, she pushed him away gently and bit her lip, sniffling a little.

"Hurry up already," she said as she walked towards the passenger side, "You're already all wet."

"You are too," he muttered, voice muted by the rain. She was strong, he thought, but altogether too afraid to feel pain.

He entered the driver's side as she ran to the other door, entering the passenger door. He looked at her, soaked to the bone, shivering as she shook the rain from her hair.

"Sakura?"

"Hm?" she seems surprised to him when she answers, but he doesn't press it.

"Where do you want to pass?"

"You choose," she smiled at him softly, "I trust you."

"I don't know. It doesn't really matter. The storm isn't any gentler anywhere else."

"Then let's just take the usual way home."

Naruto nods in agreement, presses down on the clutch, and shifts into gear. He could feel the truck creak and click as it accelerated and the familiar vibration of the steering wheel. The pattering of the rain on the windows and the metal grew more frenzied with each minute creating a soft ring inside the cab of the truck.

They sat listening to the rain without speaking as they drove, Sakura taking the chance to glance at Naruto from the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry," she said after a time.

"It's fine."

"No, I… On Sunday. I'm sorry for what I said."

"It's fine. Just forget about it, Sakura."

"It isn't okay. Just let me finish. I'll tell you everything… and I don't think it will help any if we don't talk. But there's something I want to know first."

"Sakura, just tell me what this is about."

"After… please just let me do this."

"I don't feel like fighting you. Let's not do this right now, okay? It's fine, let's just forget about it and leave it at that."

"I'm not running from this, and I made a mistake, and it was bad. I'm trying, Naruto, so please don't run away from me."

He glanced at her and saw that her cheeks were flushed from the effort, or maybe, he thought bitterly, it was just from the embarrassment of telling him she was wrong. He looks back to the road though it only looked like a blurred mass under all the rain. He looked at her again and she was still looking at him, frowning. He shrugged off his doubts as best as he could to give her a chance to speak.

"Okay. Okay. Fine. You wanted to ask something. We can start there, but… promise me you'll answer my questions too."

"I promise."

"Alright," he mumbled.

He sat quietly as she collected herself. She thought of the right words to use for her questions but knew no other ways of asking. She frowned, realizing that it had been so long since she had to filter her words with him, but now she felt like she was on thin ice.

"Naruto…" she said, hesitation apparent in her voice.

"Yeah?"

She took a deep breath.

"Naruto… who is she?" she says, her voice trembling with apprehension.

"Who is who?"

"The girl in the picture… inside the book…"

She tried to explain as best as she could, but instead only found herself sighing. Her usual eloquence was marred by a creeping feeling of emptiness expanding in her chest.

"What are you talking about?"

"Naruto, there was a picture inside that fairy tale book. You and a girl with black hair," Sakura swallowed hard and licked her lips, "I didn't know you had a…"

She stopped, not wanting to say it. Naruto shook his head so slightly that Sakura almost missed it.

"I'm not anything to anyone."

"Oh…" was all she could say, but his words were more telling of how she made him feel than she had expected.

He looked at her, but she stared at her lap instead, looking disappointed. He sighed, deciding to explain it to her.

"It was a long time ago… and her father didn't approve."

She looked at him then, looking like she wanted to say something, but it was clear she wasn't sure what she wanted to know, or even if she wanted to know.

"You never told me about this," she said in a low voice, almost completely drowned out by the sound of the storm outside.

"It was years ago. You weren't talking to me back then."

"Oh…" Sakura said as she bit her lip.

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Please, just let me ask my questions first, then I promise I'll tell you anything you want to know."

Naruto frowned unable to mask his discomfort at the subject, but he knew that he had no reason to be dishonest.

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Everything," she said quickly as she clenched her fists into her lap.

Naruto took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. There was so much he could say because so much had happened, but none of it was Sakura's business.  
Sakura sat in wait, unable to simply ask what made this girl special to him.

"Her name is Hinata Hyuga," he explained curtly, "Big time, old money family and her father is a government bigshot. She saw me walking to school in the mornings. I didn't have my bike then, but you know."

He shook his head trying to organize his thoughts, then continued, "Anyway, she had a guy driving her around and everything and she thought that it would be okay to come pick me up because I was on the way so she started doing that pretty much every morning. We met by accident and only because she felt sorry for me. That was back when I wasn't on the best terms with you and Sasuke… Well, you know all that..."

"Yeah…"

"Me and Hinata got close back then and some things happened. Her father didn't approve and… they moved her far away. That's all the important parts."

"What things happened?" she asked apprehensively.

"… Sakura…"

"Close? Like… lovers?"

"I guess that's the easiest way to describe it," he said with an exhale.

"You're being vague on purpose," Sakura huffed.

"I don't know what to tell you. A lot happened," he sighed.

"You don't have to tell me everything. Just tell me about who she is to you. About who you are to her."

"Sakura…"

"Please, just tell me," she said, irritation apparent in her voice.

This was a story that always felt like something that was so far out of their orbit that it was irrelevant to them and a small part of him felt like this was something that didn't belong to anyone else. It had been a small secret of his, one of the few happy instances in his otherwise boring life. And it was one of the very few that did not involve Sakura.

He took his hand off the stick shift to scratch the back of his head.

"Alright… Alright. She's part of an important family," he said softly, "Mining, terraforming, you name it, they do it. Because of that, she's always had a lot of pressure on her being the oldest child. I mean, I didn't know about any of that back when we first met, but… she told me eventually."

He licked his lips.

"But she didn't tell anyone else and I'm not sure anyone in her family cared enough to listen. I figured I was the only one that could make her stop hurting."

He paused thoughtfully, taking the time to recall.

"Because of a whole bunch of reasons, I worried about her, and at the time, she really took the time to see me. Like really see me. Sometimes she'd just come to the house and refuse to leave," he smiled slightly and chuckled a little at the memory, "I was really into her, you know?"

Sakura winced when she saw him smile while remembering her.

"She was putting up a strong front… she was smart, and talented, and pretty, but she had the whole world on her shoulders… she just wanted some independence, without anyone breathing down her neck…"

Sakura looked up at Naruto. He stared at the empty road ahead and squinted from the effort of watching the road through the rain. His eyes glistened with unshed tears from all the emotion and all the pain of remembering.

"I didn't want her hurting anymore so, I took her."

"You took her?" Sakura whispered to him, just barely audible.

"Yeah. We ran away. Two whole weeks," he says, sounding equal parts proud and solemn, "She wanted to see the ocean but they caught us before we even got that far. I knew they were bound to eventually, but…"

He stopped, then smiled bitterly.

"… but?"

"I wanted her to know how it felt to be free."

Sakura bit her lip. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and her breath was hitching. She could no longer distinguish her sadness from the bubbling anger, or her envy from the hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me… like… when we patched things up between us?"

Naruto pressed his lips into a thin line.

"What difference did it make? She wasn't coming back."

"That doesn't answer my question," Sakura glowered at him.

He frowned, frustrated that she felt the need to pry. He thought bitterly of his own questions about her relationship with Sasuke when they were younger, how he was rebuffed, and how humiliating it was. Now she expected him to answer when she refused to answer his questions for so long.

He was silent for a time, deep in thought, running his fingers through his hair. Sakura looked at him, taking in his details; his jaw, the light stubble on his cheek, his lips that parted slightly while he was thinking. She always wondered what he was looking at when he had a distant stare but perhaps his gaze was set so far away because he was always looking for someone beyond the horizon.

"That picture is all I have left of her," he murmured, "So I don't see how this makes a difference."

Sakura shook her head. She had always assumed that he trusted her completely, sometimes because of her pride, she thought that that's what it meant for him to love her. She realized that his trust had only actually been offered in small, measured doses. Maybe because she doesn't know how to listen, or maybe because she always put him second.

She remembered how he smiled in his photo and suddenly felt alone.

"You'll answer my questions now, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Why were you mad at me? Was it because of that? Because I didn't tell you?"

Sakura wasn't sure what to tell him. She had considered this question herself since the incident, and with consideration to their own complicated situation, she knew that if he was really tied to someone else then it should have made their lives much simpler. Even then, every time she imagined that girl placing hot kisses on Naruto - on his lips and on his neck - she felt sick.

She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself, but instead only found her breath catching in her throat.

"I don't know," she answered lamely, "but… it hurt me."

"What did?"

"I saw that picture and it just bothered me."

"Why?"

She thought of how to answer it for a moment before becoming frustrated.

"I don't know," she said with her voice cracking, "God, don't make it hard for me."

"Sakura," Naruto said firmly, "Help me to understand."

"I said I don't know because I don't," she muttered while her confidence waned.

"Just try…"

She closed her eyes and imagined all the times they shared together, all the nights talking until sunrise, his every word emanating a subtext of affection. Then she imagined him doing this with someone else all those years ago, imagined him thinking of her, dreaming of her, recounting the kisses that she laid upon his body. She wondered if she was merely filling a gap in his life in the shape of that girl.

"No," she whispered, "Please, Naruto, I don't want to. I don't want to say it because I shouldn't feel this way."

He frowned and though he didn't understand, he nodded.

"Okay."

She felt as if her tears were about to burst from her at any moment.

"Did she make you happy?"

He exhaled slowly.

"Yeah…"

Sakura's face was flushed and all her emotions seemed like they were out of control. She seemed to realize all at once that she had taken Naruto for granted, and that one day she would have to let go of him.

"Do you still love me?" she asked in a whisper, desperately grasping for anything to anchor her emotions to.

"I do…"

"Do you really?"

"Sakura…"

She looked at him, then his hands, one on the steering wheel, the other on the stick shift. Both, she noticed, were gripped so tight the whites of his knuckles were showing. She reached and placed her hand over his as he shifted gears. His body was tense, as if he were angry, but he softened with each caress. She felt weary from the discussion and knew he must have felt the same as well.

"We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to."

"But we should. If I knew this is what was wrong…"

"It's okay, I really don't…"

"Sakura, listen," he interrupted, "I do love her. That's something I can't lie about. Even if we haven't even talked since that time long ago…

Sakura frowned but tried to mask it with her hand.

"… But Sakura, that doesn't mean that I don't love you, because I do."

Sakura didn't know what to say. She pulled his hand off the stick shift, surprising him, and laced her fingers between his.

"Sakura…"

"Does it always hurt when you see me with Sasuke?" she asked gently.

Naruto winced at the thought. He does not answer her and instinctively pulls his hand away, softly but firm. Sakura already knew the answer but deep down felt like it would make her feel better to know and to hear from his lips that he ached for her too.

"I'm used to it," he finally answered.

She wished she could tell him that she knew who he really was, that she saw him for everything he could be. She wanted to tell him that if they ever had the chance, she knew she could love him as wildly and recklessly as he loved her. But she loved someone else and made that promise to him, and oftentimes, making that promise meant that you chose not to love another. For the first time, she admitted to herself that she was afraid of the time that he would have to do the same.

She reached for his hand again and clutched it tightly. He sighed but decided not to let go this time.

She wondered if it was like she was the sea and maybe Naruto was the sky, just like in the old storybook. She looked at Naruto and imagined it, but every time she saw the reckless desire in his eyes to love and be loved by her threatening to burn him up from inside, she was reminded that nothing with him was ever poetic. It was always raw, always tangible. Like teeth peeling back skin.

Today, she wished they really were like the sky and the sea and that their love was pure, unselfish, and unending.

The truth was that she wasn't the sea and he wasn't the sky. That wasn't even their story. Their story was more akin to those of shipwrecked mariners, where she was the shore and he was just a man drowning out of reach.

She could do little but watch as he learned that his lungs were never meant for water.

________________________________________

The storm had rolled in at full force when they arrived at Sakura's house.

Sakura decided then that it would be too dangerous to have Naruto go home even with her truck. Street lights were not maintained along the country roads where they lived and the downpour would just increase the chances he would get stranded as most of the roads weren't paved either.

She sent him upstairs to her room as she gathered things for Naruto to use, like towels and a spare toothbrush. He had clothes stored in her house so that wasn't a problem; it had been a habit since they were a bit younger because he was so frequently at her house. She laughed to herself remembering that he originally thought of doing this to avoid arguing with his uncle about coming home dirty and bloodied because of his penchant for picking fights. She usually cleaned him up nicely and used to be the only who he trusted to do it.

She went upstairs to her room to find Naruto looking out the window at the storm.

"Hey, dummy, here's a towel. Go bathe, I'll go after," she said with a smile.

Naruto obliged with a grunt and exited the room. Sakura heard him shut the bathroom door behind him as she sat on the edge of her bed.

Naruto had mellowed out since their younger days, at least as far as she knew. Eventually, he didn't frequent her house quite as much as he used to. The first time she decided to refuse him treatment was early in their high school years when he was fighting Sasuke. She was angry at him for it, but at this point no longer remembered why they were fighting in the first place. She remembered she ended up treating Sasuke that night instead.

She frowned remembering that it would be many years from that moment before he would come to her to feel better again.

She wondered about the precise moment when that other girl came into his life. Perhaps he returned to her when she left. This girl who she didn't know existed until just that week had left the deepest marks on Naruto in just a short time and it stung her.

She was always taught that open secrets masked secrets of deeper import; everyone knew that Naruto had fought for her affections, but what he shared with that other girl was a secret safely hidden from the world.

She frowned at the implication, but decided that she was imagining connections that did not really exist. Naruto was not complicated, but many would mistake his honesty for a lack of complexity.

She snapped out of her thoughts as she heard his heavy footfalls approaching her door. He walked in, clothed, but his hair was dripping.

"Your turn," he mumbled.

She gestured him then to sit on her bed. As soon as he does she stands up and grabs his towel placing it on his head gently.

"You're dripping wet," she said as she scrubbed the towel through his hair.

"It's fine, Sakura."

"It isn't, not in my house, and definitely not in my room."

"So strict," Naruto said, muffled under the wet cloth.

Sakura smiled as she did this, realizing that having him depend on her was something she loved too, even if he only did so in small ways. She took the towel from his head and slung it over her shoulder as she gathered her own clothes from the dresser next to her bed.

"You can listen to the radio in my room, but you can't use the TV downstairs. Stay put like a good boy."

"It's important that I remind you that I'm not a dog," he deadpanned.

"Just stay here, alright? I'll get you a futon later."

"Aye aye," Naruto says as he smiles at her, the first in many days.

She made her way to the bathroom and left the door open behind her while Naruto grabbed the radio from her table and turned it on. All he heard was some static with voices he can barely make out.

_"… a failsafe, there are two surface colonies… Mars. Region A… located close to… in the flats of Arcadia Planitia. Departure is scheduled one week ahead of the second region departures because… Now, Region B on the… situated close to… Elysium… at the Utopia Planitia area, close to the landing site of Viking 2 from…"_

He received nothing but static afterward, likely, he thinks, because of the storm, so he turned it off and began rummaging around for something to read. After a time, he finds a women's magazine; unfortunately, the only thing in the room to read that isn't a full novel. So, he sits and reads through it, one article after the other, to pass the time.

He sat the edge of her bed waiting for her to come back when he heard her return from the bathroom. He grunted, acknowledging her without looking up from the magazine he was reading.

"You took really long…"

Naruto looked up at her as she closed the door.

He felt a lump in his throat as he saw her enter in an old shirt and her underwear. The fabric of her shirt frayed at the edges, and thinning in others. He could almost see right through it. Her legs were much longer than he remembered, but still lean and firm; she was always out in the sun so her skin was tinged tawny around her calves but was a creamier white the higher up you went.

He caught himself staring and looked away from her embarrassed at his excitement. She turned the lights off then and he listened to the soft patter of her footsteps until the silhouettes of her tiny feet were in view. She stood in front of him without a word while he looked straight at the floor.

"Look at me," she whispered.

Naruto looked up and can barely make out her figure. She takes him by his cheeks and pressed his head to her chest. He breathed in her scent and he felt her small breasts through the thinning fabric of her shirt. He listened to the pace of her heart quicken as she held him tighter.

"Naruto…" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"You know how I feel about you, right?"

"You never really told me."

"I don't have to say it for you to know, do I?" she said. Her breath was ragged and she clutched him tighter.

"I won't ask you to."

"Can you promise me something?"

"Okay."

"Don't think about her when you're with me… and in return… I promise I won't think about him too."

"Sakura…?"

She leaned in and kissed him on the lips once. And then kissed him again. And again. And again.

She pulled him closer as she smelled the scent of his skin, feeling his stubble on her cheeks. He noticed her lips taste like cherry and her mouth like mint. She ran her fingers through his hair while his hands traveled to her hips and her thighs, and trembled as they searched her. She placed herself on his lap and held his head, guiding his lips along the length of her collarbone. His jaw quivered when his teeth grazed her neck. She pressed her cheek against his and gasped into his ear as his hands, and his lips, and his breath seared her skin. Her touch was electric.

"Stay with me," she whispered desperately, "At least until morning."

Her hands trailed the breadth of his shoulders before grabbing the fabric of his shirt like a lifeline, beckoning him silently to treat her gently. He felt every detail of her body with his hands, imagining every feature in the dark and he knew that she would always be lovely to him.


	4. The Bed We Made Together

**Year 2114**  
**Spring**

Thunder was heard on the horizon as the sun vanished from view. Hushed voices could be heard faintly, soft gasps and moans ringing in the twilight with droning of muffled words and static from the radio on the table roaring in the silence. The last light of dusk found its way through gaps in the curtains, making long beams of light on the ceiling and on the white walls of Sakura's room.

In the bed were two bodies, coiled together as if they were knots on the roots of a tree, but not nearly as still. They moved like boiling water, foaming and frothing, and they were sure that it must have felt as hot.

The radio buzzed on the table next to them.

_"… so, all the announcements from the government keep telling us that there can be very few exceptions made. Some of your relatives may be left behind. It doesn't matter who you are, someone you know will be left behind. But on the side, we know that there definitely are a few exceptions that they're gonna let slide for a few of those bigwigs, am I right? Alright, we're taking callers now, let us know what you think. Dial…"_

Naruto took Sakura by the cheek, planting small, gentle kisses on her face, down her neck. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, sliding against his body and he panted, overwhelmed by her touch, biting the inside of his cheek to hold back as he was overcome by the sensations of her body.

He watched her face as he leaned over her, looking at her soft features, her parted lips gasping as if smothered by him. Her eyes were closed tightly and her hair disheveled, sweat beading over her brow as she rocked back and forth on her pillow.

His body tensed and muscles knotted as he took a breath and held it, holding back a gasp of his own, trying to control the passions that started to engulf his body. He felt his mind become hazy, withdrawing him from thought until there was only the moment and the pleasure and her body. He was enraptured by the billowing ecstasy flooding into every corner of his body and he trembled at her every touch.

He forced thoughts back into his mind before he lost his composure, before he could give in. He thought on anything that could hold the pleasure at bay, of the days he knew her, and the days he wished he never did, of long rides to the far side of the county, of fights, of pain, and of want. He thought on mundane things, as many thoughts as he could muster, to fill the growing space in his mind that was going blank, intoxicated by her, willing him to let himself go. He held back, struggling and wanting most of all to prolong the time they had with their flesh melded together, shifting, moving, tangled.

He peered down at her body from time to time, watching the every rise and every fall as she took deeper and deeper breaths, her breasts pressing into his chest with every inhale and the flushed pink tinge of her skin that ran down from her neck.

The transmission was grainy, but voices rambled on.

_"… ends well. Exceptions or not, we're not even sure if it's proper livable like, up there. Like, isn't that why there are two colonies that have no physical contact?"_

_"Sorry, what do you mean by that being the reason why there are two colonies?"_

_"It's a safety, isn't it? Like, if something bad happened to one of the colonies or something, at least there's another one…"_

_"Ah, I see what you're saying, yeah, I get that, so we might be screwed either way, huh? Real talk, right here, folks, and I think he's right. There aren't any guarantees either way. And uh, sorry, before you put the phone down, what's your name? So good hearing that from someone, never thought of it myself…"_

The smell of her sweat and his lingered like a cloud over the room filling his every breath as her heated whimpers filled his ears. He buried his face in her neck, mouth parted so his teeth could rasp upon her and so his lips could taste the salt on her skin. His hands slid up, from her thighs, her hips, to her breasts, the slickness of her perspiration trailing on his fingers as he felt her hands searching his back, pulling him closer.

She gasped a hot breath into his ear, and gasped again and again. As she did, she pressed her hips against his, arms wrapped tighter around him and bit gently into his shoulder. She breathed heavily, moans forcing their way out from between her teeth, first intermittent, then coming with every breath. She kissed his shoulder and trailed her way up to his neck. As she pressed her lips into him, he felt the vibrations of her breathing his name into his skin.

She leaned her head back and he looked down at her. She was looking at him, face pink with exertion, panting, her eyes closing tightly from time to time as if pained. When she opened her eyes, she looked at him deeply and kissed him, moaning into his lips.

Their bodies trembled together, rocking together, swaying together, faster and faster and faster, gasping and moaning and marking each others' skin with kisses hotter than the kisses that came before. They kissed each others' quivering lips, they called each others' names in hushed and breathless whispers, panting loudly, shuddering, quaking as wave upon wave of delight battered their bodies like waves smashing into bluffs in a storm.

Her body went rigid beneath him as she whimpered and he whimpered too, following suit, clutching the bedsheets under her shoulder.

They were tense at first, and started relaxing slowly, but their breaths were still ragged as they breathed on each others' mouths, looking into each others' eyes as they rocked slower and slower together.

They stared at each other for a moment before chuckling quietly to themselves. Sakura took Naruto by the shoulders and pushed him over, feigning playfulness, but feeling exposed at his stare. It felt good to her that he looked at her the way he did, the way his searching eyes made her heart quiver like a pulsing bowstring and the faint tickle of excitement in her stomach.

He laid there looking at her while she looked at him as they basked in each others' caresses, bathing in the heat of their smouldering bodies.

"Hey," she said to him.

"Yeah?"

"Turn off the radio. I'll let you stay here if you don't snore later."

"You sure?" he asked, smiling.

"If you make it down to the couch before my mother wakes up tomorrow morning, you'll get extra points from me," she laughed.

_"… there's just no telling what might happen. Alright, on our next segment, we invited, what's this, uh, Minister of…"_

Click.

________________________________________

**Chapter Four**  
_The Bed We Made Together_

Morning had come, but the room was still almost completely dark, save for the moments when flashes of lightning would fill the room. Storms were more frequent now than sunny days.

The wind rattled the walls, making them seem paper thin, the violent pattering of raindrops forming a clattering din ringing in the dark, and two bodies laid motionless in the fray.

"You ever think that this is kind of messed up, Naruto?" Sakura mumbled while she stared at the ceiling.

"Yeah… sometimes," Naruto agreed with his arm wrapped around her shoulder, wondering if she was trying to look at the same patch of chipped paint that he was looking at. There was no irony in her words, but no venom either. As had been their habit since the first time, he found himself in her bed with her.

"You agree, so why haven't we moved?" Sakura asked flatly.

"It's stormy out and you don't have a guest room," he muttered under his breath.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about..."

"I can go downstairs already if you like," he looks at her in the darkness, imagining her face next to his.

"No, that's not…" she replied lamely, "… Naruto..."

"I know."

"We keep doing this. We shouldn't… but we always do."

"I know."

"I can't say I don't want to keep doing this because that's not entirely true."

"Sakura…"

"One day we won't be able to do things like this anymore," she whispered gently, "You know that."

"I know," he grunted with a hint of sadness in his tone, "Shit. Just shut up and let me hold you. I don't want to think about what hasn't happened yet until it's here."

He laid there for a moment and sighed. It wasn't messed up, quite so much as it was complicated, but it was hard to draw the difference. There was guilt entwined with so much want, and a burgeoning loneliness welling up inside of him that he could not understand. It made him uncomfortable in a way he could not explain, like it hurt so much he wished he could run away, but it would hurt even more to tear his body away from hers.

He remembered for a moment that there is someone else that holds her this way and he will always hold her this way long after he no longer can. He surprised himself, his body suddenly awash with frustration, and he physically recoiled and tried to pry his arm out from underneath Sakura's neck.

She gasped, surprised by his sudden movement, and grabbed his thumb with her small fingers, stopping him from pulling back. She suddenly felt afraid and lonely in equal measure, though she wasn't sure of what she's afraid of and didn't understand why she felt lonely when Naruto hadn't left her yet. She was uneasy when she felt him try to move away from her and tried to squeeze her body closer to him again and hoped it wasn't because he wished she was someone else.

She wondered then who he thought about at night while he slept, and who he dreamt he was embracing.

"Don't go," she whispered, almost desperately.

He bit back his own discomfort. Gingerly, he slid his arm back around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair.

"For what?" she whispered back.

"For making this difficult."

"It wasn't just you. I decided this too."

She laid on her side and pressed her back deeper into his chest. She whined a little, and he understood.

He held her closer and his lips grazed her neck lightly. He reached over with his other arm to hold her more completely. She had such a slight figure, he thought, as he ran his fingers down her arm, finally grasping her hand. She seemed so delicate that he touched her with a rare gentleness that didn't escape Sakura's notice.

He had calloused palms and rough knuckles, from fights, from frolic, and his usual troublemaking. He seemed to fumble awkwardly, not knowing how he wanted to hold her, and though they did this in secret more often than they would ever admit, he was always so tender and so careful as though he were afraid to break her.

He was usually clumsy with words, she thought, but always honest with his hands.

His hands slid to her hips and he was filled with the scent of her hair. She blushed at his boldness and bit back a whimper, but squeaked and clasped his wandering hands as it skimmed past her belly button.

"Don't…" she whimpered weakly.

"I… I'm sorry… I didn't..."

"No… it's not that. Just don't… not there."

He props himself up on his elbow and touches her cheek.

"Your tummy?" he muttered, confused, "Sakura, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing…"

"Please tell me…" he said as he pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"No… it's stupid. You… you'll think it's dumb."

"… Sakura…."

Naruto leaned over her in the darkness and remained silent waiting for her to speak. She was embarrassed at his gaze as she felt his body loom over hers. Neither of them could see, but still she felt his eyes on her. She squirmed a little under his weight and wondered if his shoulders were always as broad as they felt.

"Na… Naruto..."

"Tell me…"

Sakura lets out a defeated groan.

"I… it's flabby, okay?" she managed, "I'm fat."

"Huh?"

"I don't want to say it again, stupid!" she whispered harshly as she pulled away from him and rolled over in the bed.

Naruto reached out to take hold of her at the crook of her arm to pull her back and smiled. She was still just a girl after all.

"You aren't fat."

"You don't know anything," she mumbled into her pillow.

"I know better than you," he said as he began to pull her into his arms, "because I'm the one that gets to hold you like this."

________________________________________

Naruto sat on the edge of Sakura's porch after the rains passed that afternoon, poking the wet earth and mud with a stick he found next to the house. He would poke holes and make small reservoirs of water as they flowed into them; he would carve tiny valleys and waterways and smile contentedly as he heard the mud squish under pressure.

Sakura sat next to him and watched his face. He looked bored at times but content, living happily from moment to moment. It was strange to her to see him so languid when she knew him to be so fiery and passionate. She worried at times that he always was like this in private and that he had only just become comfortable enough to show her this side of him.

She cocked her head to the side as she saw him smirk.

"Hey Sakura, look," he said as he turned his head to look at her. He stopped speaking when he realized that she was already looking at him and tried to hide a gasp that escaped his lips.

He looked back at the mud in front of him.

"Wh-what are you looking at?" he stammered.

"I'm looking at you."

"Why?" he asked tentatively.

He felt vulnerable then as he wondered what she saw when she looked at him. He hoped that she saw him for what he was and what he could be and that she was with him now because of it, not because she had confused him for a better man.

"Can't I?" she asked as well as she reached over to run her thumb across his cheek.

She was affectionate with him at times, though she was always speaking to him in hushed whispers. It was usually he who would initiate these moments, who held her, or touched her, or kissed her, but now she was touching his face with the soft affection that had always been reserved for their reckless trysts in the dark and under cover.

"You aren't usually like this."

"Are you telling me you don't like it?" Sakura laughed.

Naruto turned to her then, looking bashful.

"It's just… different," he said in a soft voice.

"Is it bad?"

"No. I like it."

"Why are you complaining then?" Sakura smiled.

"I was just surprised, is all," Naruto said, feeling exposed but buoyant.

Sakura looked at his smiling face and shook her head as she realized how happy she had been in their days together, like it had been her haven from the fear and the doubt that overtook the world. More than this, she was struck with the realization that though she knew him all her life, she was still learning new things about him. She wondered if their secrets would be buried in the sand and dust of Earth when they left and if time was always meant to outlast their intentions.

She shook her head as if to wave the thought away.

"I'll miss being like this with you," Sakura said to him solemnly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Like this. Like always, you know?"

"I think I know," he smiled, "These are happy days for me."

Sakura blushed at his words. Though he didn't say so, she felt as if he was talking about her.

"What will you miss when we go?" Sakura asked him.

"Feeling nostalgic?"

"Aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Come on, Naruto. If we think about it, we can come up with a list of the last things we can do before ditching. If you're quick enough, we can start tonight," Sakura said with a giggle.

Naruto smiled at her and felt better that she lived with a little more levity than she had in years past. He had never known her to be this way, at least not so often, and wondered what changed her. Perhaps she learned to take uncertainty with stride, or perhaps she was never unsure because she believed in the certainty of things. He did not know what she thought on the matter, not that it mattered in the first place, but with enough time thinking on it, his mind stumbled upon the thought that perhaps it had been because of him. He pushed the thought out of his mind, as exhilarating as it was.

He shook his head and thought more on the question.

"I'll miss all the normal stuff we do, I think," he answered after a time.

"Like?" Sakura waved him on to continue.

"Like stuff that I maybe took for granted. You know, wake up in the morning and you come busting in yelling at me because we'll be late because my alarm didn't go off…"

"Excuse me, I hear your alarm clock, it works. Your brain just doesn't sometimes," she interrupted.

He laughed and took her by the hand.

"I guess I'll just miss knowing you'll always come for me in the morning and drive home with me at night. We get to look at all the empty countryside and smell the wheat and the barley. That stuff, you know?"

She smiled softly and looked up at the grey clouds hanging over them, imagining instead that the earth was still sun-kissed and bathed in an afternoon glow.

"I've got a lot to miss in that too."

Naruto gives her hand a light squeeze.

"You tell me now too. What are you gonna miss?"

She stayed quiet for a moment, squinting as she tried to see past the horizon.

"All the things you said, Naruto," she said without looking at him.

He looked at her cautiously, expecting to see her brow furrow in regret as she glossed over their private affairs. It was something he had come to expect, and though it stung, he could not blame her. He watched and he waited with bated breath, bracing for the pain of disappointment, but no frown came to her lips, no furrowing of the brow or scowl at the thought of her habit of deceiving someone else, and the residual guilt of his own shortcomings as a friend.

She was smiling.

"I'll miss everything. Even the things we keep secret."

He had expected her to say something else and had prepared to something clever to say to mask his hurt, but he never expected her to say what she did. His own words caught in his throat and all he could do was stare at her while she looked at the sky.

She looked at him when he looked away thinking about what emotions it was she saw vibrating in his eyes. Recently, it was often soft and shockingly gentle, but other times hot, like it always used to be – like envy, or love, or both, or perhaps they were different shades of the same kind of passion.

She wondered if he understood how difficult it was for her to keep answers from him, to make him wait every day they sat across from each other pretending they had no secrets to hide, while he smiled and watched her loving someone else too, or the effort she took to make him feel these words every night they shared together without saying the words she buried, too deep to unearth most times.

The world was ending and she knew they would have to let go, but it was not something so easily accepted. Small moments would never be enough, but they had precious few weeks left before the left for a new life.

"Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that one birthday?"

"Yours or mine?"

"Mine."

"Which one?"

"You were late, then we went for a drive."

"Yeah… I remember," he said, apprehension apparent in his voice, "What about it?"

"Did I ever answer you?"

Naruto sucked in his lips and seemed to roll his tongue in his mouth without looking at her.

"You said enough."

"But, did I?" Sakura asked again.

"In your way, I suppose."

"I didn't."

They looked at each other quietly for a moment, but the thoughts in their minds and the feelings churning in their chests was deafening enough.

"No," Naruto sighed, "You didn't."

Sakura took his hand into hers and he did not protest though his body was already aching, feeling the weight of a patchwork of regret and grief in every nerve.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, Sakura," he said quietly.

"Look at me when I'm talking though, okay?"

Naruto shifted his body to face her and he looked at her questioningly, wondering what she was trying to tell him.

"Listen carefully…" she said.

Sakura reached over and placed her palms on Naruto's cheeks to cup his face. He is surprised by the gesture and can't help but be embarrassed. His eyes search for something else to look at but whenever he does, she turns his head so he is looking at her.

"Look at me."

"I am."

"You keep looking away," she said firming her grip on his cheeks.

"I'm looking," he forced a smile, "I am."

"In my eyes, okay?"

"Okay."

Sakura took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure how to start, but…" her hands slip slowly from his face to her lap, "You know how I feel about Sasuke. You know I've decided to stay with him. You know all of that…"

"Yeah…" he said, fighting the urge to look away, "I know."

"I tried so hard… to keep you away…"

Naruto's eyes looked weary, but grew wearier by the second. She ran her head in circles trying to piece together how everything happened and everything she felt. She knew that none of those things mattered to him; she knew it wasn't what he needed to know but was herself at a loss because she had never thought she would ever need to explain it to him.

"I could never keep you away," she said, trying to mask the cracking of her voice.

Naruto placed his hands on hers.

"You don't have to say anything else. I understand."

"You don't."

He turned away from her then. She stood up and stepped over the mud at the foot of her porch to make her way in front of him and crouched at his knees. She reached up and placed her hands on his face but he looked away again.

"Look at me, Naruto."

"Sakura, I can't… I don't want to know anymore…" he protested, voice cracking.

"I won't hurt you…" she whispered, "I… I won't hurt you anymore. So, look at me."

He looked at her as she stared calmly in his eyes, her hands pressing against his face, first firmly, making sure that he wouldn't turn away, then gently, until she was no long holding his face. She slid her hands down to his shoulders, down his arm, to his hands and clasped them gently. Her hands searched his, first with her fingertips, then her palms until she was lacing her fingers with his. He watched her lips part as she took a breath and her eyes were still on his.

"Naruto."

"Yeah?" he said softly.

She looked at him watching her apprehensively, waiting on her words. She noticed he was holding his breath, desperately holding his eyes on her, trying his best to give her all his attention. He must have been scared, or something like it, because she had never seen him unsteady in the face of anything.

She smiled at him.

"I've always loved you."

The words rang in his mind for a while, not registering immediately at first. Sakura remained in front of him, waiting for him this time.

He looked her then, staring deliriously, waiting for some sign that she wasn't telling the truth, some sign that he might have heard wrong. Words were dangerous, he thought, not because they can hurt, but because they can change the context of every kiss, every goodbye, of every slap, and every tear. These were the words that he waited for for so long, and yet he trembled at the realization that this would make her eventual departure all the more painful.

But it would hurt for her too because she longed for him too.

Still, he felt as if his heart was bursting. His hands quivered and his tears flowed freely from his eyes as he pulled Sakura into a tight embrace. He held her so close that she felt his hiccupping sobs ringing inside her as his shoulders shook like a tower in collapse.

"Why are you crying?" Sakura asked gently as she stroked his hair.

He didn't answer her. He just held her and she held him too.

________________________________________

"Naruto, stay for dinner."

"Oh, uh, sure Sakura," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck, "Are you sure? I mean, I've been loafing about here on and off for the past few weeks."

"Stay," Sakura smiled at him, "I'm helping my mom cook."

"A-alright."

Sakura entered her house and made her way to the kitchen while Naruto continued to sit on her porch. Her mother was already bustling in the kitchen and her father made his way outside where Naruto was.

Sakura worked in the kitchen with her mother, wielding her knife on the cutting board, chopping vegetables and meat, spices and seasoning, separating each into small bowls for her mother to use. Her mother worked on the stovetop, the heat from the fire warming the room as she prepared the oven as well.

Sakura watched her mother and wondered if she would grow up to be like her. Her mother was never a housewife, but never really wanted a career. She worked for shops and stalls most of the time, but cooked and sold her baked goods at farmers markets too. Occasionally, she would paint and sell her art, and though they were lovely, people didn't really buy her work, but she was happy all the same.

Her mother taught her all those small things, the cooking, the cleaning, and the painting. Though she knew her mother could never want to do one thing for the rest of her life like her father, she could feel the love in her work, never frowning even for a moment as she did it.

Her father on the other hand was stern and believed in having a direction. Sakura supposed that he was a good counterbalance to her mother's free-spiritedness, but was glad that his being stern didn't extinguish the humor from his demeanor. She remembered he always worked late, and as a child she would pretend to sleep as her father would kiss her on her forehead, smelling of tobacco and whiskey, and for a long time she thought that's what all men smelled like.

Sasuke smelled like tobacco too, sometimes, sticking to his hair, mixing with the smell of mint and pine from his shampoo.

Naruto smelled faintly of earth and iron, and occasionally of maple syrup, but mostly on his lips.

She turned to look at him through the doorway to the porch while her mother busied herself with the cooking. She saw her father standing next to Naruto, both looking out into the fields close to their house. He patted Naruto on the back, and seemed to nod, as they both slumped their shoulders as if to sigh. Her father turned back to look at her and Sakura smiled at him. He smiled back with a faint look of guilt on his face, but Naruto never turned to face her.

"Sakura?" her mother called.

"Oh, uh, yes mom?"

"Set the table please."

"Sure…" Sakura said, discarding the passing questions from her mind.

________________________________________

Weeks later and the day finally came and for once, the rains did not come, the clouds did not gather, like the world was saying goodbye with one last sunny day and a glimpse of a blue sky.

"Our last ride together," Naruto said softly as he put Sakura's bags in the back of the truck. He placed his duffel bag next to hers and pressed them together, snug against the side of the flatbed.

"Don't call it that," she mumbled with a grim seriousness coloring her voice.

Naruto looked at her as she looked at her house one last time. He saw her lip tremble as she turned away to wipe her face. When she looked at him again, he saw that there were no tears glistening in her eyes, just sweat gone from her brow.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"I guess so," she mumbled.

Naruto hopped off the back of the truck and made his way in front of Sakura. He placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Everything'll be alright in the end," he whispered to her.

"Even it isn't… what choice do we have?"

"We can't run away from this."

"I know."

"I'll be here."

"Will you always be?"

Naruto frowned at her and grazed her cheek with his fingers.

"What's with that look?" she asked.

"I will be," he said, "I will be."

She looked at him one more time before nodding and walking to the truck. He walked to the passenger side and entered as she started the engine and started them on their way.

They were silent at first, as they drove through the roads away from her home, appreciating that this would be the last time they would be able to see this the way they always had before and the last time she would ever see the house she grew up in.

Sakura glanced at Naruto whom she caught looking at her.

"What?"

"Nothing, just thinking."

"About?"

"This is it."

"Yeah, it is."

They were quiet again for a while, not sure of what to say to each other.

"So… your parents are already there?" Naruto chimed in, to fill the awkward silence.

"They said they'll wait at the terminal for us."

"That's good, at least they're all settled."

Sakura looked at Naruto from the corner of her eye.

"Oh, um, how is your uncle getting to the shuttle, by the way?"

Naruto grunted.

"He's experienced enough. He'll get there."

"Well…" Sakura says a little uncomfortable with Naruto's attitude, "… if you say so. We could have picked him up too."

"Don't worry about the old man."

He smiled at her while he sighed.

"Long sighs again, Naruto, what is it?" she says with a light chuckle.

"Are you excited to see Sasuke again?"

"Well, yeah, sure I am."

"He's been hidden away like a little prince."

"Crazy, right?"

"Hey, can't blame him. There were bound to be riots. I think it should be safe around here though, but… I guess a lot of people will try a lot of crazy stuff just to have a chance."

"I was worried we might lose some friends when the time came... I'm glad we all get to go."

Naruto looked at her then looked away before she could glance back.

"Yeah."

Silence filled the air again, as if everything left that needed to be said sat in wait, lingering until it was mentioned.

"So…" Sakura started. The trepidation rang clear in her voice as she glanced back and forth from Naruto to the road ahead. She did not try hiding it this time.

"Hm?"

"You ever wonder if you'll see her again up there?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"I won't be jealous this time, Naruto."

He smiled at her then, pretending that it was trying to reassure her, but he was really just happy that she could admit she felt that way about him.

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think…" she paused for a moment, "I think I'll always want you to be happy."

Naruto felt like this was her small way of saying goodbye.

If she was a drunk and he was her crutch, he thought to himself, she'd still stumble into Sasuke's arms. But she didn't mean to hurt him and she always found small ways to love him so he could never be bitter, after all, she gave what she could and learned to hold nothing back. Despite this, he felt in his heart that if he could ever make an accounting of it, he would still find himself indebted to her.

Sakura pondered her own words as she looked at the vast empty outside. She thought about Naruto and all he had said in the time they had together. He had, in a way that only he could, found a means to make his desires so large they were almost mythical, but he had a way about him that made you feel like there were some things worth believing in; not because they were ever real but because they should have been. Perhaps it was this same emptiness looming over the world that forced him to fill its void with his own foolish wonder. She wondered what more he could dream of in the empty of space.

She stole glances at him, knowing that this may be the last time that they could be this way.

She hoped he understood that she loved him with all she could give and that she wasn't ignorant of how he gave all he could to her. Though she could not put it into words, she wished that she could tell him that she never loved him less, she loved him differently, but most of all, deeply.

He looked at her solemnly stare into the roads that she would never take again, feeling the wind and smelling the breeze. There was a melancholy about her now that was unfamiliar to him. He reached to her hand and at a touch, she held his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Hey," Naruto says, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"Wanna give me a present?"

"It isn't your birthday."

"It's not my birthday, yet, but it's coming."

"Alright, what do you want?"

"Give me the truck."

She looked at him with a brow raised.

"You want this ratty old truck?"

"I do."

"Why do you want this? It won't be around for you much longer."

"Because you took care of it and it carried us to a lot of good places."

"This is a bad gift, Naruto. How about something you can really use?"

"I can use it."

"Not for much longer."

"How about you just give me the keys and I'll be happy with that."

She looked at him then and stopped the car on the side of the road. She took the keys out of the ignition.

"Get out of the truck."

"What?"

"Do as I say."

They stepped to the front of the truck and Sakura handed the keys to Naruto. He held it gingerly at first before gripping it tight, familiarizing himself with its weight and texture. There were keychains attached to it of elephants and flowers. He looked at her with his brows furrowed for a moment, then smiled at her.

"I made things difficult..." he said.

"You didn't…"

"… but you stayed by me despite what it meant…"

"I wanted it too…"

"… for everything you gave me, I'm grateful. You made me so happy."

He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her lips softly, once, then twice, then again and again while she held onto his shoulders. He pulled away and she looked at him breathless.

She felt herself crumbling from the weight of his stare.

"Dummy," she whispers as she pushes him away softly, making her way to the passenger side of the truck.

Naruto entered the driver's seat, put the keys into the ignition, and started the engine. He patted the steering wheel gently.

"Thanks, Sakura," he smiled, "I love it."

"You know, the keys to my house are there too."

"So, I'll come home to you everyday in this truck."

She smiled then, thinking about everything that they were losing, feeling the gravity of the moments that were being lost forever in the passing seconds. She balls her hands into fists and plants them into her lap while Naruto inched the truck back onto the road and resumed their final journey together in this rattling heap of metal, on the way to the last great migration of man that the world will ever see.

"Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really scared."

He reaches to her and holds her and they lace their fingers together, squeezing each other tightly.

"There's nothing to be afraid of anymore."

"I don't want to lose everything."

He glanced at her, noticing the glistening of tears in her eyes, then looked back to the road. He thought that perhaps that it didn't matter that they deserved a chance, not because fate was cruel, or any hackneyed thought like that. It was the nature of universe to be unconcerned with life, with change, and with desire, and he railed against it for so long with a deepening anger that he could never be everything he hoped to be. Perhaps it was blessing enough for them to have ever had the time share quiet evenings together. Perhaps life was enough.

"Sometimes it helps if you pretend that nothing's gonna change yet. Treat today like you would treat any other."

"Will it really help?"

"Try it. Like this… Where are we gonna drive tomorrow?"

"Naruto, there won't be…"

"Executive decision," he said, interrupting, "I say we're going to the drive the long way back and pass the marshes before dropping you home."

Sakura giggled at this, feeling just a bit better. Though her insides rumbled with worry, she decided to play along one last time in her truck, on their dusty roads, on their way to wherever.

"And what will we do then?"

"What we did before," Naruto said cheekily, "Then back to your house to do that other thing we do."

"You're a greedy little pig, you know that?" she said with a grin on her lips.

"I'll have to wake up extra early now to pick you up so we can drive into town together."

"You think you can?"

"It'll be different without you yelling for me to get out of the house. Will I be yelling for you too?"

"I'll be ready to go before you even roll in, dummy. Meet me at the porch. No breakfast for you!"

"At least meet me in the living room so I can experience using the keys to your house," he laughed.

They laughed and talked about their plans. They talked about where they would travel and who they would meet. All the different food around the world that they would taste and all the beaches to swim in. They looked deeply into each other as they talked, animatedly in some instances, and other times somberly, thinking, but never saying, all of the things that they planned to keep secret between them, and those small memories that they would always keep of each other.

The dusty roads soon ended, and the trail became smoother. They ran on concrete now and it was the only marker that they had to tell them that they were almost to the military installment where the passenger buses to the shuttles were. They looked out into the fields next to the road and they were littered with hundreds of cars stretching to the horizon of those who arrived before them, discarding them to witness the end in their stead.

"So… we don't have to leave the truck, here do we?" Naruto asked.

"No, my dad is on the shuttle engineering crew remember?"

"So?"

"So, we go to where the military buses are. Fewer people, and most of the people are brought in by military trucks, like the one my parents were picked up in yesterday," Sakura explained.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Still scared?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Me too," he said as the buildings came into view in the distance.

She held his hand, squeezing his stroking it gently with her thumb.

"There it is," he said in a low voice.

"Yeah…"

"Are you ready?"

"No… are you?"

He looked at her with a small smile, trying to reassure her, but the slight tremble in his lips did not go unnoticed.

"No…" he answered, "but here we go anyway."

When they arrived, they wordlessly got out of the truck, going to the back and getting their bags. They had to park far away from the terminal because of how many cars arrived before them. Naruto trudged along with her, carrying his bag and hers while she hung her pinky on the handle of the bag he carried in his hands.

Sakura's father was at the gate to greet them. He waved them over to the bus while nodding to the soldiers stationed at the front. Naruto passed through with them and walked to the platform.

The bus was already there and Sakura's father nudged her to go ahead and as she did, she glanced behind her at Naruto.

"I'll follow. Go in already. I just have to load the bags."

She nodded, but on her face, was an expression he seldom saw and often did not understand. It looked like longing, or maybe it was anxiousness, and she looked as though she wanted him to hold her hand all the up into their seats.

"Go on, dear," her father said, "I'll help him with the bags."

She nodded again before giving one last glance before going in.

Sakura's father walked over to Naruto as he loaded the bags in the compartment under the bus.

"What's in your bag?"

"Just some things of mine and some of hers she left at my house."

"Naruto…"

"Give it to her for me, okay?" he said.

He nodded solemnly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything else for you, Naruto."

"Don't worry about me..." he mumbled.

"Do you want me to tell her anything for you?"

"Don't tell her anything."

"I have to tell her something..."

Naruto considered this briefly, racked by thoughts of farewells, and sputtered whatever words came to mind.

"Tell her… I'm sorry, or… I don't know…" he started, but was at a loss for words as he felt the sobs he was holding back for so long clawing its way up his throat, "Just tell her something good…"

He put his hand on Naruto's shoulder and nodded before walking into the bus. The hydraulics hissed as the doors of the bus closed.  
Naruto looked up to see that Sakura was sitting close to the rear of the bus next to her mother.

As the bus started on its way, he saw her turn to her father, then her mother. She turned to look out the rear window, looking at him, but the bus was moving now and he could no longer make out the expression on her face. Before the bus turned the corner out of view, he saw her father pull her quickly into his arms and clasped her tightly.

She was gone.

He held back his own tears.

"One day soon," Naruto muttered, "You'll belong to someone you love."

________________________________________

The authorizations to relocate never came for him and he never told her.

A small part of him hoped that she would hate him for it so that in some way he could leave a lasting mark, and though it was not the mark he wished to leave, at least she could never forget him.

He was alone for the first time in what seemed like years looking at the countryside as he drove in the battered truck, driving to her house for no reason other than to grieve. He didn't need to watch the shuttles launch to know their time together had ended, and like he told her just that afternoon, it is sometimes easier to pretend like nothing was changing, that no one was leaving, and that he wasn't going to die.

He stopped the truck in front of her house and pulled the keys out of the ignition. He stepped out of the truck and stepped into the mud of her driveway and made his way to her porch. He put the key in her door and turned it, pretending like he hadn't known that it was unlocked, and as he stepped into the house, he took his shoes off like he always used to.

He walked up the stairs, listening carefully at every creak of every step, feeling the wood of the bannister under his fingertips. When he reached the top, he looked at the door to Sakura's room and made his way in. Everything that she left behind was still there, adorning the space where she used to live, unmoving and unchanged. This brought some comfort for him as he made his way to her bed.

He laid down in a house emptied of her. Most of the things she left behind sat oblivious to her absence. Her sheets still held the sweet smell of her sweat from their long vigils together, where they held fast to everything they always knew they would lose. He slept in her bed that night where he dreamed that nothing was changing, that no one was leaving, that the world wasn't ending, and he was still holding her.


	5. Breathless

**Chapter Five**   
_Breathless_

**Year 2114**   
**4 Days before Region B Launch**

Naruto walked down the stairs from Sakura's room listlessly. He spent three days in her house, eating what was left behind in the fridge and cupboards, exploring every corner of every home, looking for impressions of her life with her family that were left behind as a reminder that they lived.

There was nothing too commonplace left behind, like marks on a door-frame for every inch she grew. He knew her mother enough to know that she would just find it too tacky. There were splatters of paint on the wood though, some dashes of color fainter than others, from where her mother used to work, and from where, he imagined, her mother taught Sakura how to paint. He remembered that he learned to paint here too because Sakura always thought it was important to teach him whatever little she knew.

There were oil marks in the garage and gouges in the cement where her father taught her how to take care of her dirty, old, hand-me-down truck, where she fixed its dings and tinkered with it. She wasn't good at that either, but she tried with what she knew and often failed miserably, occasionally triumphing miraculously.

He wandered about one more time before gathering his things. He imagined himself a field mouse that wandered in to find warmth only to find that it wasn't warm anymore.

He was careful not to leave a mark of his own, not being messy, not adding new chips to the paint or dents on the hardwood floor. In a thousand years, he thought, people will come home to a desolate world and they'll find this house as she had left it, a monument to her, a monument to her family, and a reminder that people used to live here – in this house and on this planet.

Her smell would no longer linger here, nor would his for that matter, but he would fix her bed before leaving so they would know that she was as neat as he knew her to be.

He took his final steps in her home towards the front door without looking at the living room, the kitchen, or the dining room. Too many memories in this house, he thought, for him not to want to sleep here at a time when he may never wake up.

He wondered where his uncle decided to witness the end and thought that it was time that he said goodbye to him too.

He staggered out of Sakura's home, emptied of all his regret and doubt, thinking that there was no uncertainty left for him to feel, because there was no future left for him to fret over. There was nothing worse than this, he thought as he trudged his way towards the truck, but he was never good at anything, or cleverer than anyone else, so there was probably nothing better either; living would have been good, but having lived was better than nothing.

He entered the truck and started it, pulling out of the driveway quickly and started driving back to his uncle's house without bothering to look in the rear-view mirror as he drove away from Sakura's house, never to return.

________________________________________

He arrived at home and parked the truck in the driveway. He stepped out and walked to the porch and turned to look at the truck before entering, thinking that this was the only time he saw it out front that it didn't mean that Sakura had come to fetch him for one reason or another. It was his now, for a short time, to be sure, but it was a gift and one he would cherish for as long as he could. He wondered if it would be interesting to drive it down empty roads into the horizon as fast as he could right until the last seconds before everything ended. It was interesting – most definitely dramatic – but he knew it wouldn't free him from the fear or the grief. In realizing this, he decided that he might as well stay home, where he can wear his pajamas and turn into dust without fuss, like an animal too dumb to realize that he was in the sights of an predator.

He looked around and figured that his uncle was out of the house.

He took his shoes off as he entered and trudged his way up the stairs into his room and shut the door behind him. He took his clothes off and remembered the nights when he shared his bed. It wasn't always Sakura, but he thought on those other instances so much in the past that he could scarcely remember if he was remembering the details or imagining them; but his memories of Sakura were still clear in his mind.

He remembered the excitement of it all, but also remembered the bitterness he could never contain because there was nothing that would let him forget the illegitimacy of his touch on her body, his words and works as a pretender. But if there was anything pure about him, it was that he loved her deeply and without doubt. She was not the only one he ever loved or loved still, but she was one of a very few that changed him in his short life, and, he thought, she would be the last to do so.

He ran his fingers along his bookshelf and thought about Hinata too, and wondered if she still remembered him and if she had moved on with her life. He wondered if he was just an awkward stage for her and if she had grown into the woman she wanted to become. It was a few months of knowing each other, consummated in two weeks of tender fury, and it ended as abruptly as it had started. It was probably enough for a footnote in the story of her life which would be enough, he supposed.

He laughed bitterly at the memories that flashed through his mind because he knew that was what he would become – just a memory – and what were memories with no one to remember them.

He reached into his wardrobe and pulled out his pajama pants, the one with patterns of dancing cats, and decided that these would be the pants he would sleep in and eventually never wake up in. If there was anything left of him in a thousand years for anyone to find, at least they'll know he had a sense of humor.

He stayed in bed for the rest of the afternoon, then through the evening.

________________________________________

The next morning, Naruto walked down the stairs to find his uncle still sleeping on the couch, smelling of liquor. He knew that his uncle wasn't averse to drinking; on the contrary, he drank a great deal, it was just seldom that he would be found on the couch in the morning.

He decided to let him sleep a little more.

He went to the kitchen, deciding that, just this once, he would be the one to make them breakfast instead. He reached into the cupboard and gathered the pancake mix, reached into the fridge for the eggs and other things, and laid them on the table.

He turned on the radio as he worked, listening absently to the clanging of his bowls as he beat the eggs, to the sobs from the radio announcer, and the fuzzy static in the airwaves.

_"… in the last hours, they say that we'll just stop breathing… it's not that bad a way to go, I guess. The sun will burn hotter for a little while as the atmosphere disappears… but we'll be gone before we… never mind…. I… I don't have anything left to say. Thank you for listening to me for all these years… I really did enjoy it… take care… be happy… make it count… And to everyone leaving… don't forget us…_

_We deserved to live too…"_

________________________________________

After the sun had set, Naruto sat beside Jiraiya in the living room with only the lamp to light them, a bottle of whiskey between them, and the silence of the dark surrounding their home. For hours they sat together, talking about their lives, of little things and of wisdom his uncle had yet to share with him. Years ago, he was still too young for him to be told some of the lessons his uncle hoped to impart to him, and though the time wasn't yet right, Naruto was a boy who was never going to grow old.

The hours slipped through their fingers like sand, and every word punctuated the seconds that were vanishing forever. Naruto once said that there was no time left to waste, but he only truly understood what that meant now; now that he realized that he never counted up every day he lived, instead counting down the days towards every milestone. It was an inescapable notion that the next of these was to count the days, the hours, and the minutes until he died.

"So…" Jiraiya gestured to Naruto as he leaned on the armrest of his seat, "any last thoughts?"

"We aren't dying yet," Naruto scoffed.

"Sure, but we know what's coming."

Naruto looked at the umber liquid in his glass and the ice dancing in it as it melted.

"Isn't this kind of a depressing thing to talk about now?"

"No reason left to be afraid, is there?"

"I guess not," Naruto laughed softly, "Any regrets?"

"I should have travelled more. You?"

"It was short, but I guess it was good enough."

Jiraiya looked at his nephew, with his back hunched, speaking softly and deliberately as if to savour every word. He was a thoughtful boy, more thoughtful than many gave him credit for.

"Did you ever get to talk to that girl from before?" Jiraiya asked, as if out of the blue.

"No," Naruto responded without a hint of bitterness in his voice, "I'm sure she forgot about me already."

"You're so sure about that, are you?"

"I don't see why it's important."

Jiraiya took a sip of his drink.

"You still remember her, so why wouldn't she remember you?"

"I don't know…"

"How about Sakura?" he asked as he leaned closer to Naruto, "Did you say goodbye to her?"

"In a way, I did."

"What does that mean?"

"Why are you so interested?"

Jiraiya chuckled quietly to himself, amused by his nephew's answers.

"You know, those girls are probably really mad at you."

Naruto smiled, hoping at least that he left an impression.

Jiraiya watched as he stared quietly into his glass, lost in thought, reminiscing or maybe regretting, but oftentimes those two went hand in hand.

"What's the matter?"

Naruto looked up at Jiraiya slowly with little expression on his face except a slight and serene smile; it was a smile without the loud boisterousness of Naruto's youth, instead replaced by the weariness of wiser men who no longer dreamed of changing the world by paving it in gilded marble, instead taking what time they had to imagine a kinder one.

"She told me she loved me."

"Who did?"

"Sakura…"

"She did? I thought she was…"

"Yeah," Naruto said, interrupting him, "It was complicated… but she's gone now so I guess it's not so complicated anymore. Maybe she shouldn't have told me."

Jiraiya was quiet for a moment hoping to find in himself something to impart – a salve to ease his hurt and his loneliness – but Naruto was grown and was surely accustomed to pain.

"You think you would have known if she didn't tell you?"

Naruto swirled the alcohol in his cup and watched it swish along the edges. He thought about this too, but decided early on that it was an exercise in futility. He wondered what difference it would have made in the end; knowing that she had not chosen him, knowing that he was never meant to stay by her side even had she did.

"It wouldn't have changed anything," Naruto said.

His thoughts betrayed his words when he remembered that he once believed that he loved her because it was his love to give; that she had no power over it, but he gave it freely anyway. It must have been the same for her, he thought to himself.

Jiraiya patted him on the shoulder, waking him from his thoughts.

"Just because you knew what she wanted to say… doesn't mean there was no reason to say it."

Naruto thought on his uncle's words for a while and considered that he had contradicted himself on more than one occasion on the matter. It was too complicated for him to consider all at once, made more complicated by the feeling, the inescapability of the emotion, and the weight of his imprisonment in time. He could not relive a moment save for diving in the refuge of memories, nor could he guarantee a future where she remembers him for all he felt for her.

He had always hoped for the words she shared with him. He always wanted her to love him, but he knew somewhere deep inside, resonating in his very bones, that she did even without her saying it.

But he knew that saying it must have meant something. Saying it meant acting it; consummating a ceremony where he wasn't the only one standing in the aisle.

What was a marriage without "I do"?

What was an oath without "I promise"?

I love you.

'til death do you part.

He felt a wellspring of warmth surge from his chest enveloping his body in an embrace. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the feeling of finally understanding.

"What did auntie tell you before she died?" Naruto asked quietly.

Jiraiya thought for a moment before taking a sip and smirking into his glass.

"She told me that I could never replace her late husband… but that he couldn't replace me either."

"Do you think she's watching over you?"

"She's with him now… she's got no reason to. Besides… just having her for the years I had her was enough."

"Is that how I should feel?"

"You won't always feel that way. Sometimes you'll be bitter, you'll ask a lot of questions."

"How sagely of you…"

"I have to be wise for you sometimes, right?" Jiraiya smiled.

"There isn't any time left for any of that…"

"Whatever time you have left is enough," Jiraiya said as he stood, looking at him as he imagined his father would have, "You've always been a good boy and I'm proud of you."

Naruto smiled to himself as Jiraiya's large hand ruffled his hair before he departed to his room and closed the door behind him. Naruto expected that Jiraiya needed to take the time for himself as well, to consider everything there was left for him to think about.

Naruto sat in the dim light of the living room lamp for a while longer, before noticing the faint glare of headlights flashing across his windows and sound of tires on gravel. He wondered if he was dreaming, hearing the doors of a car closing and the faint sound of shuffling feet.

He remembered every morning before dawn waiting for Sakura, waiting for the lights, waiting for the sound of tires on gravel, of footsteps on wood, of an expectant knock on his door with a voice calling his name.

He stood up and made his way slowly to the door as he listened, hearing light footfalls on the gravel, crunching with every shift in weight. Then the sound of creaking wood with every step on the stairs. Then the soft thumping on his porch before finally it stops.

It was quiet for a moment as Naruto continued slowly towards the door. His feet were stilled when he heard a gentle rapping at his door.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

He continued then, taking one cautious step after another until he was clasping the doorknob. He wondered what he was wishing for, for him to inch his way so gingerly. He held his breath, letting the hope of something better wash over him one more time.

He opened the door slowly and at his doorstep stood a girl who was pale as the moon.

"Naruto…" she breathed.

And he was breathless.

________________________________________

_… because every story begins with the end of another. ___


	6. Cosmonaut

**Epilogue**  
_Cosmonaut_

Sakura found out upon their departure that Naruto was never chosen to join them on Mars. He had asked her father to allow him to say goodbye the way he did. He lied to her in the end, to say farewell while pretending he would never leave her.

For months, she was inconsolable, but her anger was anchored to her grief, and if Naruto were there, she knew she would tell him that she would never trust him again. It wasn't true, of course, but for once she was helpless, with nothing she could do with all the fury in her and it was boiling her from inside.

She would not speak to her father for the better part of their first year on Mars, opting instead to spend most of her time with Sasuke and his family. She railed on her father on occasion, calling her father by name instead of title in the few times that they did speak. She would tell him the same things in so many words – that he had done her wrong, that he should have done more to help, that he was a liar. Every time she did, he simply told her he understood and did not ask for forgiveness because he knew she would never give it. He would never tell Sakura, but in the smallest ways he could, he only tried to treat Naruto like a man; he would never grow to become one but was one of the few that he met that deserved so much more than he was dealt. Though he could not say that Naruto faced the inevitable without fear, he saw in the boy that he did so with what courage and compassion he could afford, and he felt that he had lived with an unassailable dignity.

Her rage was quelled with time, but the feeling of wretchedness lingered.

Not more than a year later, she received word through Sasuke that Naruto, against all odds, was alive. Sakura did not know how to feel at first, having been lost in her passions for so long.

By special message from Hiashi Hyuga, a government minister and magnate of the Mars development project, to Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke's brother of the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, they were told that Naruto and his uncle were brought to Region B by special request of Hiashi Hyuga himself. Many officials were curious as to the reason why they would send such a mundane message to the Liutenant Colonel and no details were shared as to the motivations of their family in taking the pair with them, but Sakura suspected the involvement of a snow-white girl with shimmering black hair.

For the first time since knowing about her, she was glad that this girl was a part of Naruto's life.

They would not hear from them again for many years as communication systems between regions were on reserve for official purposes until resettlement was complete.

________________________________________

She completed her university degree at Northern University as she had told Naruto she would. As if inspired by his ramblings, she transferred from the medical department and instead completed her degree in astrophysics, then graduating a Master of Science at age twenty-five.

Soon after that, she married Sasuke.

Late on her twenty-seventh year, she had given birth to a daughter who had ebony hair like her father.

She was twenty-nine years old when the Mars government announced that they were finally opening communication lines between regions to civilians, and on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, she received a message from Naruto.

Though she knew she would not be able to sleep that night from excitement, she waited until Sasuke was at work the next day before reading it.

Naruto did not stand on ceremony and simply opened his message telling her he that he hoped that she was well, and healthy, and happy most of all (with a happy birthday inserted somewhere between those lines). He said that he thought of her often and that he was sorry that he didn't tell her he was going to be left behind. He told her that he could not stand a long goodbye, or a goodbye that made it seem like everything he knew and cared about was ending; that he had been ready to remain and pretend that the next few days were the same as any other, though they would be lived without her.

He recounted his last days on Earth, thinking that they truly would be his last days alive, and how he mostly spent them alone. That he slept in her room the night that she left and that he could smell her in her sheets. He said that when he closed his eyes, she was there too, like during the storm when they first loved each other with their bodies as much as their hearts and that it would always be a secret that he would hold dearly. He said that the world had felt frozen then, unchanging for days, and how it had been eerie for him but most of all painful.

He told her that he took care of the truck that she left behind until the very last because he felt that it had taken care of them as well.

He told her he missed her and hoped that one day he would be able to see her again.

He told her of how he was saved by the Hyuga family and how he and his uncle were whisked away at the last minute. He told her how he had reconciled with the father of the girl in the picture. That she would not leave Earth without him. That she had run away again, only this time to save him.

He was married to her. He had a son he was proud of. Still just a baby and yet he claimed that he would be scrappy like his father, get into fights just like his father. Additionally, he was apparently already as good-looking like his father, so Naruto insisted. Sakura imagined this boy would break hearts someday.

He complained that they lived in a dome and that there was no sunrise or sunset as it had been like on Earth. He told her where he lived and that he almost only ever ate bread. That there was farmland as far as the eye could see and that there was no longer any wonder that came with the rain when it was a scheduled occurrence.

He was a miner, he said, with big muscles, he claimed.

He said that he missed their afternoon rides through the countryside, talking about futures that were still hazy and how it had finally caught up to them.

He told her he cared for her and still did. He admitted that he never loved her flaws and that they had never been cute to him, but told her that he loved her because she always showed him who she really was. He said that their brief time together had been one of the brightest moments in his life. And that the story they had together was dear to him, but that he knew it had ended when he watched her leave on their last night under the same sky.  
He said it didn't make him sad anymore.

He lamented the dreams that had faded from him, but admitted his own shortcomings. He said that he knew he may have envisioned too much, but Sakura thought then as the realization of their distance, floating in uncertainty, that she understood. There was never any certainty in his dreams, only the hope to be a better man.

At the end, he told her that he dreamt of her then and that he dreamed of her still and she, reading his words, was drunk on the familiar feeling of loving him.

Her heart felt full to bursting. He rambled like she remembered he did, and she would read it everyday in her head in his voice as she remembered it then. It must be deeper now, she thought, much manlier than it had been.

She kept the message hidden and read it in secret, over and over. It would be a whole year before she built up the courage to send him a message of her own to tell him everything she felt and everything she saw and that she dreamed of him too, more often than she would ever admit.

They kept in touch from time to time since then, a secret correspondence, fondly recounting their trials as friends, their silly fights and the worries they used to have, but seldom ever of their intimate arguments or of their secret rendezvous. Most of the things she recounted about their time together were ordinary, small, or mundane, but it was everything between them that gave it weight enough to leave their marks; like the freckles on her chest, or the scars on his skin.

Over time, the messages grew less frequent, but they thought of each other fondly still. Though she believed she was far too old to blush, the thought of him brought life back to memory.

________________________________________

Many years later, two months after her thirty-eighth birthday, she received a message from Hinata and noticed that she took his last name even on transmitted messages. There was no subject or title for the message and Sakura had been afraid to open it. She waited five days before finally deciding to see what the message was about, hoping that this was not about the messages she sent to Naruto. Though there was nothing explicit about them and most of the content was relatively innocent, she knew if she read those words from another woman to the man she loved, she too would be livid.

It was nothing of the sort, but as soon as she read it, she wished it had been as trivial as she thought it would be.

Hinata sent the message to her to inform her that Naruto had died. He was involved in a mining accident which resulted from equipment failure. It took eleven days to recover his body.

They had a wake recently and his casket remained closed. Few people were there and she said that she wished Sakura was there to mourn with her because she knew how much she had meant to Naruto.

Hinata also told her that Naruto wasn't just leaving behind a son – his second child was a daughter who had not yet been born.

This was the first great loss that Sakura had ever experienced.

In her grief, she locked the memories they shared together deep inside her heart; their days in her truck, their stormy nights, and afternoons in the marshes. She mourned him with their friends and though they were never together since their last days on Earth, his absence was a presence that wouldn't leave her. In her private moments, even until old age, Sakura would continue to grieve in secret.

She would think on him often and would regularly dream she was in a forest with him, young as they had been the last time they saw each other, carried on his back, surrounded by trees she could swear were taller than the sky. Other nights, she was holding his calloused hands while watching the sunset at the edge of a still dying Earth. But on the best nights, she dreamt only of him, watching him drift in space enveloped by the faint light of distant galaxies.

Now he traveled the stars in his own way.


End file.
